New thread, new week, which means the other one can be locked :)
Continuing on ...
Unhooked's great, Kelly's great, Sue's great. Oh heck, I love everyone equally here. Group hugs! :)
Kelly, how far are you through that music list and what was your favourite? And who's stella? Hope she is quitting too :)
Unhooked, you're right. I don't notice as I tend to see only the day at hand. But I see improvements in other people. So maybe it happens to me too?
The writing part, well sometimes you get smokefree kev writing all of it, or junkie kev writing all of it. And sometimes a mixture of both. But its all me. I am glad you enjoy reading because I don't think I am going to disappear any time soon :)
I'm currently obsessing about worrying about the leaving do tonight. :) Will I lose my concentration and smoke? If I smoke do I bother coming home? Will I get to CT Kev 96 or will I stay at CT Kev 95? That sort of stuff. You'll know from previous that I start practicing resolve techniques well before the actual event. I'm already more aware of your confidence in me compared to my confidence in me.
Either way of course I will let you know how it goes. Yes I worry too much. :)
As part of my honesty, I can admit to being in awe of some of you. The junkie me even brings it out in thoughts (hence the sue and john chantix reference). I go through my 'I wish I was x' phases regular as clockwork. Although it would be great to be someone else I can only be me and I am just working on a new improved non smoking kev.
Another weird thought I get sometimes is 'If I fall and relapse, will my friends still be around when I come back?'
I'm not even sure if it is a junkie thought at the moment. I guess it may just be a sign of my attachedness! Despite trying to pretend to be one hardskinned metal 'couldn't care' type of person. I am in fact one sensitive loving fluffy bunny who likes the company of his non smoking friends.
Today, something a little different. You know SSC IM? Well imagine that as being able to invite your friends and talk to each other. Well at work, we have something like that. It is used for discussing between us who is going to do what, and is the main source for kev humour.
However, from here I learnt honesty and passion about writing about my addiction and today my team leader asked how I was doing as I seemed to be pre-quit normal again (my quitting has been hard on my team as I went a little emotional). Its actually my team leader who's leaving do I am going to tonight. Anyway, I digress. Here is a transcript of how I answered. I thought you might be interested. :)
"
Strangely, the virtual smokes help. When Andi and Nige work from home I go a bit nuts as I am not going outside and freezing to death every hour. Yesterday I was considering taking smoking back up, just in case they work from home more often :-) . I am learning though. This stage is called 'NOMANS LAND' whereby you don't know the no smoking you well enough yet and the old smoking you seems more distant. So in effect I am in limbo. This happens from day 30 to 100. I am at day 95. Only 5 days off from a full 3 months non smoking. It might always be 5 days away if I smoke tonight. Hence my mums orders to me to not drink too much. Its why I have only been to the pub when you took me (twice). The good thing is that I saved over a grand from not drinking or throwing money at fruit machines or putting S CLUB JUNIORS on repeatedly on the juke machine. The not so good is that I cannot pass any tobacconists without supervision and spend nights and weekends staring at the ceiling counting ridges in artex. The two times I have been in a shop with supervision, I nearly asked for 20 royals and then just quickly grabbed chocolate which I brought in. The other time I nearly ended up with a Columbo DVD. It was that or a big pack of smokes. In the end I just ran out the shop and waited patiently for my dad to come out too. Oh did I tell you I have picked up a passion for writing since I quit? :-) Thats the reason I will never berate Lynda for going back because it could be me tomorrow. So my new motto is 'Take each day as a blessing'.
"
Anyway, I thought I wouldn't have chance to write today (hence yesterdays megapost) but the leaving do has been pushed back until after work. So I got to write after all :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 84
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,100
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �352.80
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44