Hi guys, as promised ...
'Leaving do #3 (the long version)'
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Well as you may have guessed. I got a tad nervous beforehand as can be seen in my threads below.
It is very strange to feel trepidation and fear of a place I would normally feel joy at going to.
I got there at 7:30pm on the dot and suprise suprise, nobody was there. So I ordered my drink and sat at the table and thought, something is missing. At this point I would normally be nervously smoking as many cigs as possible trying not to look like a lemon. Junkie thinking for 'Ah he's not a lemon, he's just an addict'.
Anyway, after a while I got moved on because someone had ordered food at the table I was on. So where next?
Ahhh, the pub loners friend. The fruit machine. And then I got a tap on the shoulder. Yippee! I am not alone any more. I got ushered outside to the smoking table where I sat watching my friend smoke and drink whilst I stood sipping my drink with lots of ice in it. Then he says, 'Can you look after my laptop and cigarettes while I pop to the toilet?'. Obviously he trusts me a lot more than I trust myself. Luckily blokes aren't notorious for spending long times in toilets and he was out in a very short time.
Eventually, the rest of the people arrive in dribs and drabs and we're all out at the smoking table. At this point I notice an ingenious thing. The outside heaters that are keeping everybody warm, go off every 15 mins! This is a good idea as it saves on electricity when nobody is out there. Now, we have a whole bunch of smokers who don't know each other who have a rota of whose turn it is to get up and hit the button to turn the heaters back on!
As the evening drew on, everyone started having a great time. Lots of great stories were shared and I learnt something new. I now know why the word colposcomy does not fill ladies with delight. I wish they explained these things at school. Smoking was discussed of course. How did I feel? What am I doing with all that extra money and the extra time? Mainly from lifetime non smokers who have been encouraging me.
I got to explain about junkie thinking and the 'NO MANS LAND' phase where I currently envy smokers and quitters at the same time. They thought it a little weird but it was quickly established that it must be kev logic and therefore entirely normal for me. :)
By the end of the night, most of the crew were sozzled and ended up discussing toilet paper verses baby wipes. :)
I stayed very sober and in turn stayed smokefree too. The junkie in me may have been out to play all night but it went home disappointed as I did not crumble to the temptations.
It also may have helped me loads that I was going through songs in my head for a Kelly playlist and that was a great distraction for someone like me.
When I got home I was told 'I am proud of you for staying smokefree. Remember if you smoke again you will not get our support'. Only my mum could turn a positive statement into a warning too!
So today, I can proudly say:
I promise that I WILL NOT SMOKE TODAY.
Thanks to all who have been believing in me and sending positive vibes my way when I thought I could not do it.
I can say it is back to the ultimate 'Am I a non smoker like people say I am or am I a smoker on a break from smoking' and of course the old chestnut 'I so want to smoke but somehow I haven't today'.
aka back to normal then :)
I am only 1.5 days away from those music vouchers..Yippee!
Conclusions and Lessons Learnt :
1) Get to parties about 2 hours late. Never arrive on time.
2) The grass seems always greener on the other side. Whether a smoker to a non smoker or visa versa.
3) Be scared of people with spatulas! :)
4) Samosas don't all come as the vegetable kind.
5) The more drunk people get, the more they understand kev logic!
I am very glad I got to write how great it has been to survive another day smokefree. It always seems to be a minor miracle to me as you know. Hence my new signature.
So today is officially a 'YAY!' day. Happy Yay day everybody.
Personal message time :
Tresa, glad you like it. Hope to see you around here more often :) I am always impressed with the way people stay around and help others even though they are doing great themselves. I still consider myself a relative newbie with A LOT to learn. Any tips and tricks is cool. I notice you like headwear. The photo's are cool. I'd say professionally done!
Aloha, You remember well! A large part of quitting has been about learning to deal with the wave of emotions that you have never experienced before. Such a massive power to face for someone who hides from emotions by smoking. You'll know that it was not only my quit that could have ended there and then but something else too. I am glad that you and others pushed some sense into my nicotine addled brain and gave me the strength to carry on. Because I can say today ...'Congratulations Aloha in advance for 200 days. You are a winner! and very special to me (hugs)'
Sue, I don't know how but you always put the 'Maybe I really am a non smoker!' seed in my mind. You are lovely, and soo positive. I bet your cat is the only one in the block that goes 'I am proud to be a non smoking cat and that both my owners are non smoking too'. Anyway, it is a really good attitude to have.
Unhooked, happy thanksgiving. Enjoy the turkey! (hugs)
p.s. I am still attempting to read up on the NO MANS LAND phase. I could write on a daily basis of how I am struggling with it, but maybe the best thing to do is to properly come to terms with it. 'If I smoke I smoke and if i don't I don't. Don't dwell on it' kind of thinking. But it is likely I will spend way too much time analysing it as is my nature. Which means more thoughts on this particularly wonderful phase :)
Anyway enough from me for now. If I don't write later I hope everyone has a great weekend.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 85
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,125
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �357.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27