While I was writing all that I missed your post Tresa! Sorry about that. I picked up the curves thing from reading these forums. I had never heard of it before. However, you look great Tresa and I don't think you need it for weight loss for sure. I do understand replacing one addiction with another healthier one though. Hope you have a great day! Thanks for popping in. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 89 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,225 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �373.80 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 32

Thanks Aloha. While this weirdness is continuing I decided to try and hang in as best I could. My quit buddy said that if I started smoking again she would be really 'pi**ed off' and told me I was doing very well. Thats exactly what I would say to anyone had I been smoking and was told by a friend that they were considering going back. But it is nice anyway. I already apologised to my parents and told them I had only hours smokefree left maximum (yesterday). But then I got my spirit back from reading Lizzie's lovely note and here I am still smokefree! I am of course still getting junkie visions whenever I am awake and dream about smoking when I am asleep. Sometimes they come one after the other quickly. Sometimes with strong physical cravings (stomach tightening, tasting that cigarette etc) and sometimes it is like a distant memory. Although I cannot seem to control them occurring, I am trying to replace the junkie influenced smoking vision with a more real version of events or reasons why it would not happen. After some investigating, I noticed certain triggers for some repeating visions. For instance, I can explain one junkie vision with three different triggers. Triggers : Darkness Cold Sound (German Techno) Junkie Vision : I am in Tresor. A well known club in Berlin, Germany. It is a basement. Almost entirely dark apart from the odd cable light tied to the ceiling. I am leaning against a concrete ledge (nearly everything is conrete or rusting iron) which is cold to touch. I am wearing a thick black flight/bomber jacket to keep me warm. The most overwhelming part of this place apart from the dark and cold conrete is the deep drumbeat echoing along the walls. I am not dancing, but I can see others across the room that are. These kind of junkie vision/daydreams come and go really quickly. This one actually appears on a regular basis which is why I noted it for this diary. Normally when I am out in the dark and cold waiting for a lift. Afterwards I remind myself that a) I never leave a ten mile radius of home b) Therefore I am very unlikely to visit Germany. There is always a good logical reason to dismiss these visions. It may seem a bit strange to some. But I ask, how many of you know that you cannot afford that luxury boat and villa, but still dream about it? These junkie visions are very similar in the respect. It is likely because smoking is very deep rooted in everything. My luxury boat and villa is a dark dank looking concrete vault in the middle of Berlin that I have never been to and will never go to! Well strange things happen in No Man's Land. I'm just going to trust in you and just write what i feel or what registers in my smokefree brain. I AM going to make it 90 days smokefree. Now I have done my heart and soul thing, heres a little musing. 'Heavy addicted or Light addicted?' --------------------- Every weekend they have something called the goodlife on our local radio, in which they talk about everything health related. A while ago they were talking about alcoholism and addiction. The expert was trying to explain what the difference was between the lad that goes out every weekend and gets blind drunk and an alcoholic. In doing so he related it to smoking too. Addiction can be calculated by how much a person suffers withdrawal when he/she is taken away from situation (quitting smoking/drinking). It has nothing to do with how much a person drinks or smokes. That is one of the reasons why i was really happy to see people take the test I left in bears self doubt thread. Because it is just a tiny example of strength of addiction at that present time. There is probably a scientific test to explain. I seem to remember filling out some questions about which smoke I liked the most and how long before I smoked and coming up with a very high score here. Hence I have probably always known. Luckily SSC don't have a pessimist approach and write 'You are a heavy heavy addict. Turn away now, there is nothing we can do for you'. :) I have an idea that some think they are heavy addicts when they are not and some think they are light addicts when in fact they are heavy addicts. I have wondered if trying quitting many many times is a sign of heavy addictiveness. I see names reappear and think to myself that if I discovered this site at Jan 1st there would have been 37ish reappearances from me. This could have been a sign of a stupid heavy addict not knowing when to give up of course. :) Lucky for me I was building up a lot of learning from each attempt. So you ended up with Kevin, the more refined heavy addict. So I started day 0 as a heavy addict, but realise this may not always be the case. It was nice to see unhooked note that her addiction level changed to a lower withdrawal level. Showing that you may not always be a heavy addict. Note : This is my opinion and does not reflect that of unhooked who could well disagree with it all. :) It is a moving scale. Maybe SSC could have a 'How addicted are you today Q&A session' before you get to the forums. :) Anyone else agree with addiction as a measure of withdrawal? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 89 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,225 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �373.80 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

Good morning everyone :) Kev i go to curves 5 days a week, i Joined about 4 years ago, its a nice place and a good way to get dailey excercise and very good stress releiver, Have a wonderful day ya all :) Tresa [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/8/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1888 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 37,760 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $6,608.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 266 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 19

it's all good kev...you know that [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 201 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,040 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,366.80 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 28 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54

Gen, nope that would have been two ladies who recently came off smoking and are now considering joining a place called curves :) but in reality aren't large at all, it is just self image. (Just in case Bingo isn't worldwide :) ) Lizzie, thanks! That helped me to calm down a lot. I told my junkie that I am listening to a voice of experience who has seen many heavy addicts get through this stage. I often hold onto a little hope and that is what i needed! Aloha, thanks for reminding me. I often get wracked with guilt for posting. It is a junkie way out and I fall for this trick a lot. I think you may have noticed this :) So what did you do on your special day? I hope you were walking around proud! It is an amazing achievement! Its weird because my quit count doesn't reflect how long I have been here. Its been really nice to see you blossom. And bear, well don't tell him, but I remember his early threads about smoking during computer games and not really actually wanting to quit just getting free patches from somewhere...and he's turned out to be quite the strong character. I don't think he is one to mince his words so I try to keep a low profile if possible :) Anyway, just wanted to say how proud of all of you I was. I'd like to apologise for my complete wierdness. I hope I make it through this phase. Luckily Lizzie didn't tell me the wastage rates so junkie me doesn't have too much to go on. Kelly, clever and beautiful! Great combination. Unhooked, ditto. And just before you (check) that I haven't made my promise.. I PROMISE to my wonderful friends that I will NOT SMOKE today. In effect, make it through today, I will have made the most awesome thing I have ever done in my life. Right, I'll start writing in notepad again. See ya later! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 89 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,225 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �373.80 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

um, kev, Did you forget that it is totally okay to post when you're having a hard time? We LIKE talking people off of ledges. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 200 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,000 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,360.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 27 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 1 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23

Two fat ladies huh? Well done. Gen :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/28/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 194 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,104 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �970.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 45

Kev, I just wanted you to know that many people go through a tough phase around where you are now. You have to know that this gets loads better. In a month's time you will be way ahead of where you are now.....I know that is still a number of days away, but if you see how far you have come already. You just have to keep going. It gets better...and soon. It's time to grit your teeth and keep going. Day by Day. You will be on the beach within a whisper...and we will have a huge celebration. Lizzie :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/23/2003 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1629 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 24,435 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �6,108.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 162 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 14

"I promise that I did not smoke last weeked (a promise after the occasion!) and I promise that I will not smoke today." Still clever! I am! ;p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/25/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 44 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,320 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $257.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 33

Good idea, Kev! You're looking great, keep kicking butt! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/13/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 148 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,960 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,628.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 14 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59