Lucy, I must tell you, your entry brought tears to my eyes!! I can remember feeling and thinking exactly as you do when I was first diagnosed with this disorder. Since I only joined this site a few days ago, I really can't tell you if it will help or not. I do know that if you continue to search, and work at this problem, you will get better. I am not cured, but I am better. I don't know if I will ever be cured, but there are people who say they are. I tell myself almost daily, that BETTER is better.......one step at a time. I continue to try to find ideas and programs that will bring me onward and forward. What I can hear in your text is that you are doing exactly what is causing this problem. Inside your head you are thinking so many negative thoughts that you probobly don't even know them all. Well, let me back up a bit here too, there is another reason too, the adrenaline gland that is over producing the hormone that runs rampant and makes us "think" we are crazy. But the thoughts tend to make the adrenaline gland over produce, so it's a vicious cycle. I was never so glad when my Doctor told me I really do have a physical thing going on inside my body. It really is an illness. However, I don't like to be called mentally ill, and we arn't. So if your family or friends don't understand, and think you are "nuts" (like mine did) or that if this is "all in your head" that you can somehow just FIX it......explain the entire process. I still believe in God, however when I get there, I really have a bone to pick with him!! Also, I wanted to share another statement from my Doctor which made me feel SOOOOOOO much better. I asked him, "how do you know that I am not crazy" he said: "Jennifer, just the fact that you even asked that question tells me you are not crazy, because crazy people do not know they are crazy, they think what they do is normal" WOW!!!! I am not crazy, and neither are you. Hope this helps, and tell your Doctor about your thoughts of not being in this world anymore......the reason we are all here at this site, is because we want to LIVE, and live better......Jennifer