I was just thinking about my last quit and the first slip that led me back to smoking and eventually here. A friend was over and we were drinking, not a lot but a nice buzz. He stepped out to have a smoke and I joined him just to be sociable, never planned to smoke one but the junkie took control and bummed a cigarette.
Before it was halfway done I had got dizzy and a little sicky feeling but the junkie wanted all he could get so he toughed it out. What I remember most about that cigarette was that my legs went TOTALLY NUMB and I near barfed out half a bottle of old and expensive wine. The junkie still lives within me and still tells me that I enjoyed smoking.
This is something I think I need to come to terms with right now before I get farther from the difficulty of stopping. What exactly was it that I enjoyed about it? I'm a bit of a gourmand, a foody, a wine connoisseur, I'd like to think my palate is well enough developed to know the difference between what tastes good and what doesn't. Cigarettes DON'T TASTE GOOD. They don't smell good and if a non smoker smokes one they certainly don't make him or her feel good. So what is the allure? What makes me remember half a million cigarettes smoked over 40 years fondly? Could it be that each time you smoke one and for a moment stop the craving, that, just for that moment, you feel like a NON SMOKER FEELS????? Holy Crap! I gotta think about this, please tell me I'm totally off base here.............
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/17/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 7
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 168
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $29.40
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 48 [B]Seconds:[/B] 4
