Members,
Many individuals struggle with breaking negative thought patterns. It's not easy but it can be done! I've pulled the following from our sister site: www.depressioncenter.net Although you may not have depression, the following information and exercise may be helpful to you in recognizing & breaking negative thought patterns. Just apply it to your situation and the negative thoughts you're having.
Happy reading!
Examples of negative thoughts:
Focus on the negative
Sometimes people tend to pay a lot of attention to certain kinds of information and no attention to other kinds of information. Most importantly, when people are feeling sad they tend to pay more attention to information that confirms their negative thoughts than to information that challenges their negative thoughts. For example, people who are depressed would pay more attention to one person who doesn�t have time to talk to them and less attention to the five people who stop to talk.
Overgeneralization
An overgeneralization error happens when people make general conclusions based on specific situations. For example, if somebody doesn�t smile and say �hello� right away, that person might think �they must be angry at me.� Another example would be if a depressed person gets rejected, which sometimes happens in life, but thinks �I always get rejected� or �I never get what I want.�
All-or-none thinking
All-or-none thinking is also called black-and-white (dichotomous) thinking. In all-or-none thinking people see things as either all black or all white and do not see the in-between grey tones. Things are either all good or all bad with nothing in-between. Trying something leads to either success or failure. People are either good, strong, kind, reliable, successful or bad, weak, mean, unreliable or losers.
Catastrophizing
Catastrophic thinking happens when people have extreme views about what will happen in the future. Thoughts such as �this is a disaster,� �I�m doomed,� �it�s over,� �I can�t survive this,� �I�ll never get ahead� or �I�ll always be alone� are examples of catastrophic thoughts. Catastrophic thoughts may feel true because the emotions associated with these kinds of words are so strong, but they�re not.
Disqualifying the positive
Disqualifying the positive happens when people ignore positive information and evidence that doesn�t confirm their negative thought. For example, when a person thinks, �I never get what I want� they may be thinking about a few times that they didn�t get what they want but ignoring the other times when they did get what they want.
Another example would be when a person thinks, �I didn�t do very well on the test� when they think of the one question they had problems with and not the nine questions they answered well.
Emotional reasoning
In emotional reasoning, people think that something is true because they have a strong feeling that it�s true. But feeling that something is true doesn�t make it true. Gamblers make this mistake all of the time. They feel like they are going to win and they mostly don�t.
People who have specific fears of spiders, snakes, dogs, heights, elevators and flying in airplanes make the same mistake. They feel afraid and come to the conclusion that the situation is dangerous, even when it�s not. Similarly, having the strong feeling that you�re a loser doesn�t make it true. And just because you have the feeling that things are hopeless doesn�t make it true.
Personalization
Personalization is the mistake of drawing a conclusion about yourself or your personality based on a specific event or situation that could have a different meaning. For example, if a friend doesn�t return your phone call you might think, �she doesn�t like me. I�m unlikable.� A person who does not get a promotion at work could think, �I�m a loser.�
Labeling
Labeling is the mistake of drawing a conclusion about someone else that�s based on only a little information. Labeling can be recognized because it often contains strong negative or inflammatory terms. For example, if your boss is distant and cold for a few days you could think, �he�s a jerk� or if a person forgets your name at a party you could think, �she�s an idiot,� �I�m a loser� or �I�m an idiot.�
�Should� statements
Should statements are often characterized by thoughts that sound like rules. Rules tend to have the words should, must, always and never in them. The presence of these words can make should statements easier to spot. Examples of should statements include �I should always�� �I shouldn�t have to�� �I should never make a mistake� or �people should be more considerate.�
Predicting the future
Predicting the future is an error that happens when you predict the future based on a specific set of current circumstances. So, for example if a person hasn�t had a date in a few months they could think, �I�ll always be alone.� A person who is unemployed could think: �I�ll never get a job.� A person who is very unhappy could think �I�ll never be happy.�
Mind reading
Mind reading is what happens when you decide that you �know� what someone is thinking or feeling without having any information about how they�re thinking or feeling. So, for example, if you are talking to someone and they�re frowning you think, �he�s angry with me.� Or if you�re talking to someone and they�re not saying anything or seem distracted you could think, �she thinks I am an idiot.� If you haven�t heard from a friend for a few weeks you could think, �she�s tired of listening to me complain� or �she�s given up on me.�
10 Questions for Challenging Negative Thoughts
The following 10 questions will help you to challenge any negative thought. When you have a negative thought, try to answer these 10 questions:
What�s the evidence that the thought is true?
What�s the evidence that the thought is not true?
What is the worst possible thing that could happen and how would you cope if it did happen?
What�s the best possible thing that could happen?
What would most likely happen and how would you cope if that happened?
What�s another way of thinking about this situation? What else could be going on?
What would you tell a friend of yours if they were in this situation and had the same negative thought?
What�s the effect of believing the negative thought?
What would happen if you didn�t believe the negative thought?
What are some alternative thoughts in this situation?
Let�s look at an example of how you could use these questions to challenge your negative thoughts by going back to the person who was going to go to a party but thought:
No one will talk to me.
I have nothing interesting to say.
I�ll stand by myself all night.
I should go
I am a loser.
Let�s try to help challenge each of these negative thoughts. We�ll challenge them one at a time. For this exercise we�re going to answer every question for every thought. However, once you start using this technique you�ll find that you usually don�t have to challenge all of the thoughts or answer all of the questions.
Negative Thought 1: No one will talk to me
Negative Thought 2: I have nothing interesting to say
Negative Thought 3: I�ll stand by myself all night
Negative Thought 4: I should go
Negative Thought 5: I am a loser
Negative Thought 1: �No one will talk to me.�
What�s the evidence that the thought is true? It certainly feels like its true and I�ve been to parties before where I�ve felt awkward and alone. I don�t feel like I have the energy to be interesting or friendly.
What�s the evidence that the thought is not true? I do know at least five people who�ll be there and they�ll probably say something to me. Susan will be there and she always seems to want to talk to me. I don�t know for sure yet. I often feel like this before I go somewhere and then when I get there it turns out to be OK. There does always seem to be at least a few people to talk to.
What�s the worst possible thing that could happen? I could go to the party and just stand there with nobody talking to me and feel awkward and stupid.
How will I cope if that happens? If that happened, I�d feel embarrassed and I would get my coat and go home.
What is the best possible thing that could happen? The best thing that could happen is that I�d get to the party and see at least a few people that I like and who like me. They�d keep me entertained for the night and I�d have a great time. I�d forget about my problems for a while and feel really great. I could also meet a few new people who I�d like or at least have the chance to like.
What will most likely happen? I�ll feel awkward and anxious for a while when I first get there. Then somebody will start talking to me about something and I�ll get more comfortable. I like some of the people who are there and it�d be good just to see them. I�ll probably have more fun than if I stayed home by myself and did nothing. I�ll probably feel better once I am there.
How would I cope if it happened? If I feel anxious and awkward when I first get there I can tell myself that the feeling won�t last long. I guess I could find somebody to talk to as soon as possible. If I feel really bad for too long, I could just excuse myself and go home.
What�s another way of thinking about the situation? What else could be going on? I�m tired after a long week and I�m feeling a bit of stress about the first few minutes at the party. I�ll probably feel better once I�m there - if I can get myself there.
What would you tell a friend of yours if they had the same negative thought? I�d say, �you�re just feeling tired after a long week. You may feel a little awkward when you first get there but then you�ll start to talk to people and have some fun. It�s better than staying home alone � at least give it a shot.�
What�s the effect of believing the negative thought? The thought makes it more likely that I�d stay home and do nothing and feel even worse. If I go to the party with this thought it�ll make me feel more anxious and awkward and depressed when I get there.
What would happen you just didn�t believe the negative thought? If I could challenge this thought I�d definitely be more relaxed and less anxious and awkward. If I didn�t have the negative thought I�d definitely go and most likely have a good time.
What are some alternative thoughts? I�m just feeling tired after a long week. I may feel a little awkward when I first get there but then I�ll start to talk to people and have some fun. I often feel like this before I go somewhere and then when I get there it turns out to be okay. When I get there I�ll probably forget about some of my problems for at last a little while. There�s always somebody to talk to. I�ll give myself 30 minutes and if I feel really bad after that I�ll get my coat and head home.
What kind of an effect do you think the alternative thoughts might have on this person�s feelings? It seems possible that if we could challenge this negative thought, we might be able to stop a negative downward spiral.
Negative Thought 2: �I have nothing interesting to say.�
What�s the evidence that the thought is true? It sure feels like it. I feel like I don�t have much to say today. I don�t feel like I have the energy to be interesting or friendly.
What�s the evidence that the thought is not true? Other people tell me they enjoy talking to me. Some of the people who are going to be there are interesting and they usually do most of the talking anyway. I don�t know for sure yet. I often feel like this before I go somewhere and then when I get there it turns out to be okay.
What is the worst possible thing that could happen? I could go to the party and not have anything interesting to say. I�d just stand there feeling awkward and stupid. If that happened, I�d feel pretty lame and embarrassed.
How will I cope if that happens? I�d probably just let other people do the talking and smile and nod my head. I�m pretty good at that.
What is the best possible thing that could happen? The best thing that could happen is that I�d get to the party and see some people that I like and who like me. There will be some interesting people to talk to, I�ll feel comfortable and I�ll end up having lots to say.
What will most likely happen? I�ll feel awkward and anxious for a while when I first get there. Then somebody will start talking to me about something and I�ll get more comfortable. I�ll end up talking to somebody about something, even if it isn�t that fascinating.
How would I cope with that if it happens? If I feel anxious and awkward when I first get there I can tell myself that the feeling won�t last long. I guess I could find somebody to talk to as soon as possible. If I feel really bad for too long, I�ll excuse myself and go home.
What�s another way of thinking about the situation? What else could be going on? I�m tired after a long week and I�m worried about the first few minutes at the party. Maybe it is okay if I don�t have anything fascinating to say tonight.
What would you tell a friend of yours if they had the same negative thought? I�d say, �you�re just feeling tired after a long week. You may feel a little awkward when you first get there but then you�ll start to talk to people. You always have something interesting to say. Even if you don�t have much to say it�s okay - take the night off and let other people do all the talking for a change. Maybe you don�t have to entertain everyone tonight.�
What�s the effect of believing the negative thought? This thought makes it more likely that I�ll stay home and do nothing and feel worse. If I go to the party with this thought it�ll make me feel more anxious and awkward, and then I�ll feel more depressed.
What would happen if I didn�t believe the negative thought? If I could challenge this thought I�d be less anxious and awkward and more likely to go and have an okay time.
What are some alternative thoughts? I�m just feeling tired after a long week. I may feel a little awkward when I first get there but then I will start to talk to people and have something to say. I always end up talking to someone about something. Maybe it�s okay if I don�t have much to say tonight. Maybe I don�t have to entertain everyone or be the life of the party. If I feel really bad after 30 minutes I�ll get my coat and head home.
Negative Thought 3: �I�ll stand by myself all night.�
Notice that some of the answers to the questions for �No One Will Talk to Me� were very similar to the answers to the questions for �I Have Nothing Interesting to Say.�
So, by answering Negative Thought 1 (No one will talk to me) we were also starting to challenge Negative Thought 2 (I have nothing interesting to say). Notice that challenging the first two negative thoughts leads us straight to most of the information we need to challenge Negative Thoughts 3 and 4 (below).
This is a great example that shows often when you start to challenge one negative thought, you end up challenging a number of other Negative Thoughts as well.
Negative Thought 4: �I should go�
What�s the evidence that the thought is true? If I don�t go they�ll think I don�t like them and they�ll be angry with me. It would be rude not to go.
What�s the evidence that the thought is not true? It was a simple invitation to an informal party, not an order from my boss. I�m not obligated to go and I didn�t promise I�d be there. Nobody is forcing me to go and no one is depending on me to be there. They won�t be angry. They know I am having a tough time right now.
What�s the worst possible thing that could happen? They could be angry at me for not showing up, or think that I�m a snob.
How will I cope if that happens? If that happens, I�d apologize.
What�s the best possible thing that could happen? The best thing that could happen is if I go to the party because I want to and not because I have to.
What will most likely happen? I�ll drag myself to the party because I feel like I have to go.
How would I cope if it happened? I�ll feel like I am dragging myself all the way there but when I get there I�ll be okay.
What�s another way of thinking about the situation? What else could be going on? I�m tired after a long week and I�m feeling like I have to go - but I really don�t have to go if I don�t want to. I�m depressed and so I have to drag myself to do most things. It�s up to me whether I go or not. But either way, the people I do like will be there for me.
What would you tell a friend of yours if they had the same negative thought? You don�t have to go, but parties are supposed to be fun. Parties are not supposed to be like work. If you�re having the party or if you promised to meet someone there, you should show up.
What�s the effect of believing the negative thought? This thought makes me feel like going to the party is just another chore that I have to do, like taking out the garbage.
What would happen if I didn�t believe the negative thought? If I could challenge this thought I�d feel more like I was choosing to go to the party, like I had some control over what I do. In fact, I could get excited about going�
What are some alternative thoughts? I�m feeling like I have to go but I really don�t have to go if I don�t want to. I�m depressed and so I have to drag myself to do most things. It�s a drag to be depressed and really, it�s up to me whether I go or not. Either way, a few people I like will be there for me to hang out with, at least for a little while. I don�t have to go but parties are supposed to be fun - not like work. If I was having the party or if I promised to meet someone there, I should show up otherwise I might look like a snob. Ultimately, it�s my choice, but how can it hurt to try? I�m a big loser for all of this trouble this party is causing.
In challenging the Negative Thought we can see that another thing that can happen is that other negative thoughts can appear. When we started to look at the evidence for the thought, �I have to go� we ended up coming up with �I�m a loser.�
That�s okay � when you find more negative thoughts, you should challenge them as well, one thought at a time, until no more appear. In fact, when you�re challenging Negative Thoughts, follow the thought trail until you get to the thought that seems most important.
Negative Thought 5: �I�m a loser.�
You have to be careful about challenging this kind of thought. Thoughts such as �I�m a loser,� �I�m a failure,� �I�m lazy,� �I�m broken,� �the world is dangerous,� or �people are mean� are going to be difficult to challenge this early on in the program. These thoughts are difficult to challenge with Thought Records because they�re not specific enough � they are big, philosophical, and very general statements that aren�t about a specific situation.
So, as much as you can, try to turn big, philosophical, and very general statement such as �I�m a loser� into specific statement such as �I�m not a good friend� or �I�m letting people down.�
One of the main problems in depression is that people get used to believing big, philosophical, and general negative thoughts. These are difficult to challenge with a thought record because, well�they�re too vague.
For example, go back to imagining that you�re a scientist or police officer or lawyer and try to look at the evidence for and against your negative thoughts. If someone is on trial, being a �loser� and a �bad person� or a �winner� or a �nice guy� is not enough to convict or not convict. People are not convicted of being a loser or a bad person. They�re convicted based on specific bad thing that they did and specific facts and circumstances that prove their guilt. So don�t convict yourself of being a loser without a fair trial! To have a fair trial you need to be a little more specific about what the problem is or what it is that you are supposed to have done wrong.
A little later on in the program we�ll teach you some skills for challenging big, philosophical, and general negative thoughts about the world, other people and the future. In the meantime, we want you to challenge specific negative thoughts. For example, if the general thought is, �I�m a loser� try to break the thought up into smaller pieces. Start by asking, �what do I mean by �loser� in this specific situation?� or, �how am I a loser in this specific situation?� or, �by loser do I mean a failure at school, a failure at work, being a bad parent, being a bad friend, being a failure in relationships�what exactly do I mean?�
By breaking vague thoughts into smaller pieces you can begin to challenge them. Here�s a great example:
What�s the evidence that the thought �I�m a loser� is true? I�m depressed. I�m working at a crappy job and I�m too messed up to look for another job right now. I�ve been in a number of bad relationships and I can�t make a relationship work. My friends are all doing better than me. I can�t get a break.
Stop right here! Notice that by starting to think about the evidence that the vague thought �I�m a loser� is true � more specific thoughts such as �I can�t make a relationship work� and �I am too messed up to look for another job� appear. We can work with those specific thoughts by using a Thought Record.
What�s the evidence that the thought �I�m a loser� is not true? I finished my second year of school and not everyone does that. Plus, I did have one relationship that worked well for me - that ended pretty well and we�re still friends. I have good relationships with friends and family. I have always been able to find a job.
What�s the worst possible thing that could happen? I could feel like this for the rest of my life.
How will I cope if that happens? If that happened, I�d be very unhappy. I don�t know what I�d do.
What�s the best possible thing that could happen? The best thing that could happen is that if I can overcome this depression I�ll feel better and I won�t feel like �I�m a loser� anymore. I�ll be back to feeling like my old self, or maybe, even feel better because I�ve learned something and grown from this experience of depression.
What will most likely happen? I�ll try to get over this depression as best as I can and see what happens in my life.
How will I cope with that if it happened? I�d just keep dragging myself along until something changes. I�ll try to make this work.
What�s another way of thinking about the situation? What else could be going on? I�m feeling like a loser because I�m too tired to go to the party. I�m feeling like a loser because I�m depressed. But I�m trying to get better.
What would you tell a friend of yours if they had the same negative thought? You�re not a loser. Look at all of the great things you�ve done. Some people like you quite a bit. Feeling that way is just a symptom of depression. Right now you�re struggling with depression and trying to overcome it. Keep going! Don�t let depression win!
What�s the effect of believing the negative thought? This thought makes me feel like giving up. It makes me feel like not bothering to try to do anything positive. It undermines my strength to keep trying.
What would happen if I didn�t believe this negative thought? If I could challenge this thought I�d feel stronger. I�d be able to take some chances and try to make some more positive changes.
What are some alternative thoughts? I�m suffering from depression. Sometimes the depression makes me feel tired and like I�m a loser. But, I finished my second year of school and I have had a successful relationship that ended well. I have good relationships with friends and family and I�ve always been able to find another job. And everybody, at some point, has trouble with relationships � I�ll eventually find the right person. I�ll try to get over this depression as best as I can and see what happens with my life. Maybe I�ll learn something positive from this bad experience.
Hope this helps.
Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist