Duffis,
I'm posting a separate post to you, my friend. I've got a story for you. I apologize for this being such a long post, but this is something I really feel I need to say to you. At first, this might sound like a story of bitterness, but it's not... it's a story of utmost admiration. It's a story that I'm sure you're well aware of... but I'm not sure you know just how much of an impact it really had on me.
Right after my last "slip," you pretty much quit posting to my threads. Perhaps nobody else noticed, but I did. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't sting a bit, but I wasn't ever really mad at you... I was mad at myself. I knew that I had lost all of your respect, not that I really had much at the time anyway, but I knew that any bit of regard that you'd had for me before was gone. That hurt. You have to understand, at this point, I'd lost my quit, my life had completely fallen apart a few months prior, and I felt like I didn't really have much of anything at all anymore. And to top it all off, I'd lost your respect too. It was a low time in my life.
On your 1 year anniversary, three months after my last slip, I posted a congratulations to you and you thanked everybody else who had responded, but me. If it'd been somebody else, I would have figured that it was a simple oversight, but I knew better. Again, it was clearly obvious that I had lost any respect that you'd had for me.
So, after that last "slip," I vowed that I would earn your respect back. Perhaps it was me being stubborn; perhaps I was seeking a challenge. Whatever the reason, I wanted to regain your favor once again. Yes, YOUR respect was that important to me. Don't ask me why, but it was! And each and every time that you didn't respond to me, fueled my desire to prove you wrong about me more than anything! There were times that I wanted to smoke SO bad, but I didn't because I HAD to earn your respect back!
SIX MONTHS went by that I didn't get a congratulations from you! But that made it oh, SO much more special to me when you finally did! I knew then that I'd done it! I'd earned your respect back! And I remember sitting there at my computer, sobbing for no apparent reason... because you'd finally said congratulations to me! It seems so trivial now. Stupid even... that somebody that I'd never even met in real life would have such an impact on me... but you did. There have been many on this site who I respect and admire, and if it weren't for them, I would most certainly NOT be smoke free today. But with you, it was different. It was actually your LACK of support that helped me to stay smoke free.
This journey, for me, was not just about quitting smoking... it was about growing up. In fact, I'd say the growing up part has been more beneficial to me than even the staying quit part. If you hadn't been so stubborn as to not respond to me for 6 months, I might have still stayed smoke free... in fact, I'd say that's a pretty safe bet. After my last "slip," I had LOTS of motivations to stay quit, besides just wanting to prove you wrong. But if you hadn't been so obstinate, I don't think I would have grown up as much as I did. That process taught me the value of respect, admiration, love and honor. All things that I have for you Bob! It sounds strange to say thank you for being a hard @$$ and a real jerk! And yet, I do thank you for that!
Crave the Quit!
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]6/17/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 732
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 18,300
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,023.16
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 51 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36
