This morning I had a confrontation with my 17-year-old daughter and it turned SO ugly... I never, ever imagined that one of my children would scream the f-word at me and say such hateful things. We ended up talking on my front porch for over an hour and we did reach a peaceful conclusion (and she apologized for the things she said), but I was still an emotional basket case.
I cried so much and so hard this morning that my eyes were swollen and my head was aching, but nevertheless I had an errand to run. I got about halfway to my destination when suddenly I had these thoughts:
[i]There's a gas station up ahead. If there ever was a day that I deserved a smoke, today's the day. Just one pack, just one cigarette. Maybe two.
I'll have to buy a lighter too, because I don't have a single match or lighter in my purse or car anymore.
I'll stand outside the gas station (away from the pumps of course) and smoke a couple, because I certainly don't want to smoke in my car.
I'll buy some mints, too, because I don't want my children to smell the smoke when I come home. They'd be so disappointed if they knew.[/i]
I said out loud: "NO!"
NO.
[i]If I smoke, I'll still have this situation to deal with (with my daughter), only I'll have the guilt for smoking on top of it.
It's NOT going to help, it's only going to take away things which are valuable (my quit and my newfound ability to BREATHE).[/i]
[size=4][color=blue]Ohhhhhhh, I came sooooooo close.
But I didn't do it. Whew![/size][/color]
It's interesting to me though, that I didn't have a single crave or junkie thought WHILE the confrontation was taking place. Even sitting out there on the front porch (where I used to smoke!), it never even OCCURRED to me to want a cigarette. It wasn't until after it was over and I was calming down, that I had all these thoughts. What's up with that?
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 126
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,808
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $378
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 13 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43
