Cuddles, thank you for coming back. Don't give up. Sometimes when I smoked, I would be so depressed, I'd have a cigarette with the thought in my head that I didn't care whether I lived or died. Smoking was my act of "suicide". It was my act of saying to the world I don't care about you, I'm hiding behind this cigarette.
This might sound a bit silly, but it works for me, one of the things that keeps me on my quit is the quit money. Taking up the burden of that expense is something I don't want to do. I have other plans and need that money I would have spent on cigarettes. It's part of the plan and part of the goal. Sometimes it's just enough to tip the balance of buying a pack and staying quit.