Hi Misty, yeah im sure you arent cyberphobic! It just pays to take a balanced approach to everything you read and how much you read thats all. Yes talk to your dr thats a good idea. He may refer you, or may be well equipped to talk to you about some of this stuff. Also, im from Australia.

Chimp- Thanks for the advice. I have to get to bed. One point you made was about the cyberphobic? I might not have that right. But you are so right on that. I have been reading about all the side effects of Paxil and how so many people can't live with it or without it for that matter. It's scary. I think I will set an appt. with my dr. tomorrow to generally discuss these concerns. We never really talked about side effects or anything like that. I should stop reading those sites. Anyhow, hope your project goes well and I get some sleep. I'll try to check the posts here as well ,often. -Misty P.S. Im from Texas, where are you from?

Hi Misty. Dont be sorry to write a novel! Thats what this is all about (this forum) - at least from what I gather. Fear of embarressment can be quite serious and is definitely a strong trigger for panic in panic disorder. Obviously its not as bad to the individual immediately as fear of dying or going crazy, as it is less likely to be associated with suicidal oe depressive thoughts. But yes that fear of embarressment is a common trigger. For me, I think at least, its fear of loss of control. You can imagine how that affects someone when they start hyperventilating, as hyperventilating is loss of control of breathing, so its a downward spiral into panic when it happens to me. Learning to understand your triggers and the way these affect you is one of the key hurdles in recovery. Its the only way you can recognise the thought process that leads to the anxiety that turns into panic. Thats the way I understand it to work anyway, for me at least. SSRI medication such as Paxil can definitely make you anxious in the first couple of weeks. Once you stabilise you should feel a lot better. There is documentation around specifying the stabilisation period for paxil. I think paxil is paroxateine? Thats a 2-4 wk stabilisation period normally. Im guessing you are in the US of A as it seems GP's are big on Paxil over there. I personally take an SSRI called Luvox (Fluvoxamine) which I am finding very good so far (about 6 weeks I think). I incremented up on small doses at a time and this reduces the severity of side effects (which can be things like trembling, feeling intense and trippy or even nausea and headaches). Its not available in the US for anything other than OCD, mainly for political reasons as I understand (the kids responsible for the columbine murders were on luvox, so that didnt help!). It is approved in many other countries though such as England, France, Germany, Australia etc. It may interest you to do a bit of reading on paxil. Check out www.crazymeds.org if you havent cos its a really good site. Education helps you to have some power over your condition as it enables you to understand what is going on and plan strategies to deal with it. Its important not to

Chimpmaster: Thank you for the advice. It scares me more to think I will never even be as I once was. I'm (or was) such an outgoing person and now I am like this. Aaaarggghhh. The worst thing is it happened overnight. Or at least the debilitating part of the disorder. Looking back now I can pinpoint certain times in my life that I was probably having symptoms of panic attacks, but didn't know it. Maybe I haven't read enough posts but it seems to me that I am the only one who went to bed normal and woke up crazy. I know, I know. I'm not crazy but I feel that way. Like today, I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. All day long I've been sooooo anxious. My sister has been on Paxil for a year and is having great results. She said though that I might be having the usual side affects that occur during the first two weeks that my body is acclimating to the medicine. As for baby steps.....I know that is the best way, but sometimes I can't baby step. I have to take my son to school and go to work and I DO feel the need to carry on with my daily life as if nothing has changed. It ticks me off (I would rather say other words here)when I want to do something so badly but then the panic takes over. And you know the funny thing is, I'm not really scared. Im not thinking, "Oh my God, what if I die in Wal-Mart?" I'm mostly thinking, "Oh my God, what if someone sees that something is wrong with me? What if I pass out in front of them? Why is everybody walking around like nothings wrong?" And then see, right there? When I wonder why everybody is walking around like nothings wrong....it's because there isn't anything wrong. It's just another day. But not to me. Ok, sorry to write such a novel. I just don't have anyone else to talk to. And yes I have thought of therapy. I just have to figure out how to accomplish that on my meager budget. -Misty

Hi Michaela.   Thanks for the warm welcome today. You poor thing I know that awful feeling you had. Sounds to me like you are putting way too much pressure or yourself to get things right.  This is something a lot of us do - I personally have very high expectations of myself and the way "I should be" especially in these circumstances. We all need to walk before we can run - agrophobia is a very dangerous thing but by pushing ourselves too hard we can actually make ourselves more scared.   Also it really doesnt help when we have people who are close to us who arent very supportive.  The worst thing someone can say (or think) is get over it, but panic disorder is hard for other people to understand. Have a look at http://www.paniccenter.net/about/living/family.cfm and http://www.paniccenter.net/about/living/help.cfm if you havent already.    So take it easy on yourself.  Yes you need to expose yourself to situations that scare you, but it sounds like you were already a little scared before entering that situation, which can be like jumping from the pan and into the fire.   Small steps Michaela, and what ever you do, dont let these event scare you or be a set back.  Sounds like you are already making some good steps in terms of medication and understanding panic. Have you tried counselling?

Trish, Thanks for the good advice. Of course I feel the same way, but sometimes I need to hear it from others. I definitely don't want to end up with agoraphobia. That's why I made myself go the second time. I probably shouldn't have gone by myself though. Today was pretty bad too. I've been on edge all day long. Feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. But I guess I have to take the bad days with the good ones. It really does make me appreciate the good days when they are here. :) Thanks again and Happy Easter to you too! -Michaela

Michaela, Do not beat yourself up over this!!! You did remarkably well. Your first attack was the fear of the storm, but you had your sister in law with you, also it happened at Wal-Mart. So when you went back, subconsciencely or maybe not, your thoughts drifted back to the attack at Wal-Mart, where you found yourself again. But no storm, no sister in law, but it was the place where it happened, so we associate the "place" with the attack. This is the beginning stages of agoraphobia, ONLY if you let it. Associating and avoiding places or doing these while having a previous attack. If your truly frightened about returning to Wal-Mart on your own, keep going, take someone with you, but let them stay in the car, but keep at it, to where you no longer fear the place and associate it with attacks. I found out the hard way one avoidance will lead to another, and my safe zone got smaller and smaller. I also learned, being my worst critic is the most damaging, if I proceed to make only 5 baby steps, good for me, Im not going to bring myself down over not having accomplished the world in a day. Happy Easter, Trish

Ok, I'm so upset. I had a terrific day Friday, but then yesterday was sooooo bad. I went to Wal-Mart in the early afternoon w/ my sister in law and everything was ok. Probably because she was w/me. Then some bad storms came through(I'm terrified of bad weather) I almost had an attack in the check-out line but made it through. Then later on that night after the bad storms passed (after having a minor attack) my son's dad asked me to go to Wal-Mart again. (He was already mad because he thinks I over react to the weather and he doesn't understand my fears that come with the panic attacks) He did ask me if I could go by myself or did I want him to go. Brave me said, "I can go. No big deal." WRONG!!!! I was ok for a while, then I called my dad to talk to me while I finished, but then all of a sudden I had to run w/ my basket to the back of the store and sit down in the layaway dept for like 15 min. Then, I was ok. I finished picking up a couple of things (forgetting the stuff like sorting through sizes on pants and stuff....that would have taken too long)....Then, I checked out and realized I forgot the vinegar for the egg coloring dye!!! I had to go back in!!! When I found it (my dad still on the phone talking me through it) I went back up to the register and had to set it down and rush out the front door for a minutes and then go back in. Finally, I got home but my son's dad had to go back and get the things I couldn't. I feel so useless today. I wish that he understood. He just looks at me like "What is wrong with you?" Oh well. Hopefully today will be better.