Thank you All for caring. I dont want to smoke, but at times I just dont care. I am just so tired of being sad. Smoking makes me sad, life makes me sad, everything makes me sad. No one else can help me if I cant help myself. Hopefully in time I can get my self straitend out, but right now it does not seem possible. I will be doing great for a while and then everything hits me all at once. I am just so confused, I cant stand it. And no it is not an excuse. It hurts. It hurts alot. I have to be honest, because if I am not, its alot worse. I just keep failing myself. Depression sucks. I am seeing a doctor and she keeps upping my meds. Hopefully I will find some relief soon. Even chantix didnt help [which i spent 200.00 dollars on] oh well, I dont know what else to say, except dont waste your time on me. I have to fix myself first.
Take care. Hopefully I will be back.
Cuddles