Strapop:
Wow looks like you made it past a difficult one...I know it is anything but pleasant, but you did it and that tells me you can do it again.
I don;t know if it helps, but each time I have one of those nasty desires, if I can keep my wits about me, I try to note what I was doing when it visited me. That helps me to understand my triggers better. That sounds a bit clinical and I know when you are in the midst of one of those awful times, being mindful of these things is difficult, but it does work with practice...
You will be better in time, you must keep that awareness above all things. It sounds as if you have a wonderful partner, I am so happy that you have made this decision and that you will be able to share your new found life with that person.
Stay strong this can be done
nonic