Shannon I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. It's worse, I think, when it's sudden, as there is no time for good-bye. Sounds as though she was suffering and is perhaps in a better place now. I know that when I die, I don't want others to remember how I died..only how I lived. I have been blessed in so many ways. But you're right, the loss of others do help us to appreciate what we have. I ran into a friend, who recently went into a recovery house for alcoholism..it's the best he's looked in several years. From what I understand, his liver was just about to fail...and he may be 40 something....sad...but his g/f has been trying to help him for years and finally convinced him to check into a rehab. I can tell that he is very cranky..better to be cranky and alive...I hope that he can continue... As to whether each time gets easier...hmmm...no, but it's odd that I am almost getting a feel for when it's going to be at least worse/better...I mean on Friday, I could tell before I left the house, I was really getting anxious...today it was the opposite..I felt much more assured. When I started driving yesterday, I was very anxious..but oddly the MORE I drove, the more relaxed and confident I became, thus reinforcing the idea...to "GET OUT THERE AND DRIVE, DRIVE DRIVE!" I think I need to have at least more than one day of calm to build on...otherwise it just seems hit and miss. I find it interesting, although annoying, all the compensation I do... only one cup of coffee before I leave the house... making sure I get plenty of sleep, buying the dark chocolate (although that is more of a treat, than NOT) trying to choose the best time to leave...enough daylight, etc. having water in the car to drink in case of dry mouth... ON the otherhand though, imagine that it MIGHT be even worse without these little trickeries, as I call them.. At least I can tell myself, "Oh yeah, I think the chocolate works...I'm much more calm today...that must be it." I figure if I believe it and it works, what's the damage? Eventually though, LOL, I want to travel without the chocolate and other props.......... but more than that, without even thinking about these things.... ;)

Hey Cheryl, Would you believe mulling over census records, LOL, I have so much paperwork to enter into the computer its not funny, took a break and a bath, then scrubbed down walls, etc. tried out that new Magic Eraser from Clorox, my gosh that stuff is TOO good, I got marks off the walls like the commerical, but it whitens up the walls even more, now it looks like I either 1/ need to do the whole room or repaint it one, and bathtubs are great too. I know this way off subject for the topics here! LOL! Kit, Darn it, I would be in KY far away from where you live. Hubby works nights and sleeps during the day so he doesnt have alot of time to help me drive, my daughter has her license but her Jeep (automatic) is currently broke down, and she doesnt know how to drive a stickshift, I can make it around a few streets from my house, but that is as far as I push it, as I can remember it I got ansy, panicky hard to drive, clutch, shift, brake, breatheeeee. LOL EVERYBODY Have a Wonderful Day!!!! Trish

Kitcat, Sounds like you had a good weedend. My weekend was busy! I have a good friend who died suddenly last week. We had the service for her on Sat. I found out so much about her I never knew. She was in AA for the past 10 years, I had no clue. Her marriage was on the rocks, and she was a very wounded soul. It made me feel thankful for my life and this group of friends I have made here! Were getting all your rain here this week. I love rain, we don't see much weather so we will take anything. Great job driving, I knew you could do it!! Do you think everytime you get in the car it gets easier? Shannon

Hey all of you... thanks so much for your support and kind words of encouragament!! :) :) The b/f did offer me one more challenge, but I declined. If I continue to improve as the week goes on, I will make a concerted effort next weekend to attempt that. I'm just hoping to continue having some success to build on.... ;) Trish, my b/f would help anyone...he even offered to help my daughter a few years ago when she was struggling with getting her license... However he is a local driver...and although he travels many miles in one day, all of his work is centered within the Santa Barbara area. Santa Barbara is pretty thick with traffice, a lot of very narrow streets, one-way streets, things that would drive me crazy!! LOL He used to drive those big gas tankers too. It's comforting too that he can fix just about anything on a car. He's always resplacing bulbs, fuses, etc. :)

Hey Trish!! How you doing today?

That is wonderful Kit!!! And truly great that you have such a supportive boyfriend, ummm for those of us that don't have anybody to drive with us, you mind renting out your boyfriend since he is a truck driver and can travel along the states? LOL, he could be the official "panic attack exposure driver/passenger" for us. Trish

Thats very sweet of you kit. I'm getting just as much out of this relationship as you are. You have put your heart out on your sleeve and revealed some of you past and thats not always an easy thing to do. Its so nice to know we aren't alone and that we all have each other. I also like the fact that Melanie and Susanne are in here with us offering their support and advice...free of charge to us. Thanks Susanne. Thanks Melanie!

You're fortunate, then, Cheryl. I feel so much compassion for those who are either alone or have no one that can be compassionate and patient with them. Good to know that the guy you've been out with understands. Sometimes just knowing you even have ONE person who will NOT judge you, or think you weird, is a godsend. When someones else is just accepting and doesn't think you are weird, is an affirmation of sorts that YOU really aren't ALL that weird. I mean, hey, I come across people all the time who talk to themselves, etc...and I'm sure they aren't even aware that OTHERS think they are weird. We, on the otherhand, probably without really appearing very weird, think we have some banner on our forehead that says "Please excuse me if I am acting weird..I'm in the middle of a panic attack" LOL......Thanks for being there for me Cheryl,,,in only a short time, you have become like a sister to me...Shannon too!! :)

Great news Kitcat! You have identified a challenge and you are making progress! Reward yourself today! Treat yourself for making it to this point. Praise yourself for actually getting in your care and making it to those 2 exits :)! Continue to challenge yourself. Your boyfriend sounds very supportive. The two of you can discuss your challenges and then create new goals as the others are accomplished. This is a great day Kitcat! You did it!! Congrats! Melanie

Great job kitcat....and yes you are right about having people support you. I don't have a b/f per se, but I do have great family and friends that have been helping me a great deal. And the guy that I have been out with a couple times seems pretty understanding as well. At least he keeps calling so I guess he doesn't think I'm a freak! lol