Judy, I pulled this out of my quit journal for you. It's a post from 2002.
[i]4/7/2002 @ 9:42:00 AM
Posts: 0
Joined: 3/2/2002
I experienced the "void" yesterday.
None of my "established, tried and true coping skills" worked. Hmph!!! I was at a loss. I couldn't get rid of it by playing a catchy tune in my head, physical exercise, a lingering shower, or reading a favorite passage in a book. It wouldn't budge.
"Fine!" I had to finally say to myself. "I'll be brave and experience the VOID, feel the pain, and see where it gets me. Maybe, it will tell me a message I need to hear."
I sat with the feeling for a while and it started to feel familiar. I had felt this way once before...when I was going through a divorce. It was the same feeling as when I was crying really hard because I had FINALLY realized that my marriage was over, done, finito, gone...when it sunk in and I was crying because I WAS GRIEVING! (I've since happily re-married, so the memory wasn't uncomfortable.)
Lord All Mighty...I didn't realize that I had such an intimate relationship with cigarette smoking!!! The VOID I was feeling yesterday was my psychological way of GRIEVING for my LOSS of the cig habit!!!
That meant psychologically way down deep where it really really counts something was shifting, saying GOODBYE to the nasty nicotine beast for good. This quit was being taken SERIOUSLY.
Hip hip hurray! When I realized THAT, I couldn't have been happier. I embraced the VOID. I respected it...I decided to just ride it out.
I took inspiration from my 3 year old...He grabs his teddy bear when he needs comforting...I walked around the house for most of the day with my favorite pillow. I hugged it and cuddled it as needed...INSTANT GRATIFICATION & NO CALORIES. (I also wrote in my quit journal.)
I AM A NON-SMOKER, and I have that firmly implanted/programmed (with the help of self-hypnosis audio tapes) in my mindset. On a scale of 1 to 10, the cig craving yesterday got as high as a 2. A gentle self-talk reminder of "Uh, uh, remember, we don't do that anymore...oh yeah, right..." was all it took. Mindset is so important. My NON-SMOKER mindset made me strong enough to look "THE VOID" square in the eye...and wink!
5 weeks and 3 days,
With lots o' light
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Quit Meter
$62,909.60
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 837
Hours: 12
Minutes: 56
Seconds: 53
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
6049
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
241,960
Cigarettes Not Smoked
