Steve and Ireland,
I applaud you both for recognizing your disorder, many men have been on this board, and I attended a support group where we had men, ableit the ratio was higher for women, but it is scientically proven fact that more men WILL abuse alcohol to self medicate and mask the symptoms, thus leading to a whole new world of problems.
My own brother in his early 20's showed signs of anxiety, even when he was little, it started with alcohol, so sad since he is so intelligent, but he mind was in the mode of trying to be tough up front and not viewed as weak (his thinking, we by far would not judge it this way), it moved on to little usage of drugs, and then heavier illegal drugs, heroin, etc. He has barely been able to hold a job, has ruined his body physically to the point of looking at a prognosis of an earlier death, and still is emotionally wounded inside from never trying the "Its ok to say I have attacks, and see a doctor." He almost had his arm amputated do to an infection of dirty needle using heroin, and that did not even phase him from stopping, drub rehabs, think 5 last count, has not helped. I know of at least 5 of his hang around buddies that have abused drugs that have died already, overdosed accidentally. Still does not phase him. He now has hepatitis C, his liver is damaged, he gets jaundice, and he is not available for a liver transplant due to his drug usage, he would have to be clean for a year minimum before even thinking about putting him on the list, which he has not been able to do. Don't really blame them, why give somebody a new liver that will just waste it away anyway.
So in hindsight, just the fact that you realize you were NOT weak in this disorder to do the tough front as my brother, your life expectancy is much greater, and you still have your personality with you, it may seem lost, but this is temporary, until you find the right therapy, you soon will get it back, dont despair. My brother has changed so much, I dont even recognize who he is anymore, I grieve for my old brother as if he died already even though he is alive. (barely inside)
