Keith,
I know exactly how you feel! I felt the same way for a LONG time! I used to think that I should feel "free!" And the truth was that I did - most of the time. But that time when I didn't felt free seemed to over power the time that I DID feel free - even though those moments were conisderably less... they were what I noticed. I didn't notice the times I WASN'T thinking about smoking.
What finally did it for me was a total attitude overhaul. I just told myself that "I" control what I do when a smoking thought enters my mind and from then on, I wasn't going to dwell on smoking anymore! It was high time that I started living my life as a "non-smoker" and not an "ex-smoker." And I did. And you know what? It worked! Sure, I had to take a few weeks away from this site to do it, but when I came back, I was a new person!
So what I challenge you to do is when you start thinking about smoking, to just let the thought go. Don't dwell on it, even to think "I don't smoke!" Because that for me made me want to smoke so much more! Just let it go! It'll take practice because at first, it's not easy.
Lately, I've been having some serious cravings, but the difference between now and before is that smoking just is NOT an option for me. These cravings or smoking thoughts or whatever you want to call them, have been eating away at me for about a week now... but I don't smoke. Period. I can deal with it just as I have the many cravings that have come before it and so can you! When you finally accept that, then you won't have a problem. It's when you overanalyze the situation and think that you should feel differently than you do... that's when you have problems. Just accept the fact that you WILL have times when smoking enters your mind... and then let the thought go. That's all you have to do.
Forget the past. All past quits are null and void. They don't exist. The only one that matters is the one that has lasted so far for 144 days and will continue to last for the rest of your life! Don't worry about what you did before. You can't change it, so it doesn't matter. Just focus on what you are going to do from here on out. You're a non-smoker - today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life - whether you feel like it right now or not!