Over the last 2 days I've been hanging on by a thread with all the stressors surrounding me like a pack of dogs with rabies :8o:
I'm completely and totally impacted with so much illness all around me -- my mother's partner has 2 mths to live (has cancer..yes, lung cancer from smoking), my in-law's are frail and unwell with age related illnesses, my father is dying ..yes, from lung cancer (a yr ago March had 1/2 of left lung removed from smoking) and now it's in the right lung as he [u]chose[/u]to keep smoking after surgery :( and then the hardest stressor is my hubby's declining health.. :(
I'm like this close to going to the store.. this has been going on for the last 48 hrs and just buy the damn cigs.. I keep doing the breathing exercises, thinking about the positive things in life, trying to keep on going without the nic.. and KNOWING that if I light up it's NOT going to change any of the above situations!
I'm going go out now to the mall.. Maybe if I'm totally away from the phone, hubby, etc... for at least 2-3 hrs I'll be completely distracted ?! I'm not finding an answer to these overwhelming feelings. I've cried.. seems to help,, kinda cleanses me when I do that.. but otherwise I'm just feeling very ,,well, closed in ..like the walls are closing in on me.
See whenever I felt this way I'd grab that cig and just enjoy..it seemed to help. Now of course I question that analogy,,but oh man do I want one...
*breathing in and out... deep and slowly...*
gonna throw on my coat now and bail out of my environment... feeling real low folks....
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 14
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 289
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $126
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53