First let me say thank you all for being out there. This has been a priceless resource for me. There have been times that I have just sat here and read the posts and knew that I was not alone in this. Thank you all for sharing your personal highs and lows.
Although winning ones freedom from this addiction is a personal journey and decision, and each soul experiences the trek in his or her own way, the commonality of insights is inspiring to me. Thank you all for sharing the good the bad and the ugly of it.
I had a major struggle with the old boy this morning, having awakened at 4:00 AM to the cold steel of an anxiety attack. I know full well the source of this mental pain, but the old remedy was no longer availabe and having made it this far I was not about to turn tail now. I had terrible dry mouth and sores (probably from injesting way to many altoids and sharp peppermint over the last few days. I would rather smell like a peppermint leaf than a tobacco leaf any day.
I got a good hot shower and went out into the predawn. In the old days I would have stood and stared at the sky while sucking down a cancer stick, but this time I managed to just start walking.
I began my usual mantra of positive self talk, remembering why I started this quest in the first place, feeling the added depth in my lungs, being thankful for the cleansing that was taking place. Soon I stepped up the pace. Bringing myself to an awareness of all the good and positive things in my life, I let the street beneath my feet slip by at a faster pace.
In time I was running, the sun was just throwing out its rays in the eastern sky and the buildingw where flying by. I don't know how many miles I did this morning, but I will tell you this, I managed to run farther and faster than that old demon and that is all that matters to me.
Take heart when you are feeling weak in your resolve, and know that you are not feeble, you are not lacking in the courage to continue. Each day is a victory for you, even though each moment is a trial. You have a great power within you to alter your perceptions and when you start to do that you will leave that wretched creature far behind you sucking dust and the poison that is its very nature.
Thank you all for making yourselves bet