Oh! Lady,
How I feel for you! What you are feeling is all part of the whole quitting process. Many of us have felt just as you do/did on our long journey. It's so hard when you have been so positive in the past, and helped so many others with positive thoughts etc.
You did the right thing to come here and not try to manage it on your own.......I tried to do that and just got more and more down. I should have talked to my friends here as you did.
Like you, I smoked at the start due to low self esteem and wanting to 'fit in.' Quitting gave me the best sense of self esteem I could ever have wanted....the ability to say "Damn, but I'm good!!! I did it!!!" All of that, however does not take away the times you are talking about, when you want to sit down with a cigarette for company. We know we will not do it, but I'm not too sure there is something with which to replace that moment we used to have.
To tell you the truth, I do not replace it, I just cry. The tears cleanse and I can look forward after that process. Times change. All the time we lose things in our lives, but we also gain so much. I think you are having such a negative time......go with the flow and don't dwell in this stage. Find the positive in the future and go with that instead.
I've been where you are my friend, and I've come out the other side. You will too!
I keep reiterating what I read years ago...quitting properly takes about 2 years, for weight etc. etc. Take that time and mov witht he changes. As I approach my 2 year anniversary this coming November, I'm sure I will experience more surprises. It's been quite a journey!
NEVER LOOK BACK, THE FUTURE IS AHEAD!
Love from Lolly. :) ((((((HUGS))))))
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/25/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 625
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,898
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �3125
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 87 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49
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Quit Meter
$11,112.00
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 695
Hours: 6
Minutes: 19
Seconds: 44
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
5556
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
111,120
Cigarettes Not Smoked
