Please dont be upset I had an awful weekend and we all have our moments!!! one day at a time!!!

I went and read that thread, Martha, and bumped it for us newbies. Thank you. This is a huge issue in my life right now. I am depressed today for the first time since I quit, and keep on crying. My husband and I got into a fight last night - It wasn't an ugly angry fight - just a heated discussion I guess. I told him that I didn't want to be married to him anymore. I was lashing out in the beginning in big huge ordeals that went something along the lines of "I am going to throw al of your things out on the porch if you don't come home with a pack of cigarettes." They were hand in had with very very bad craves - on a scale of 1-10 they were 12's. I had about 4 days of those all told at various points in the first month of my quit. Since then I have just been "b*tchy". I complain a lot, and do't keep my mouth shut about anything or choose any battle. There's anywhere from 0-3 outbursts a day. Not harmful outbursts in my opinion - my children just ignore me, and i get it out, and then we go on. they're severety has gotten less and less, and I can feel that I am less and less angry inside when it happens. On the flip side of that, I was laughing and feeling joy like I had never laughed or felt joy before. I meen big deep belly laughs - I can't remember laughter like that out of me. My husband is treeting me like I am crazy. Yesterday we were in the shower together and we were laughing a lot togehter and I got his shave cream and razor and started shaving his face like I have done before. If you could have seen the look on his face - like he was afraid that I was gonna slash his throat or something. His laughter turned to a nervouse giggle. There's been plenty of simular incidents - like he's afraid that i'm going to hurt him. I've never laid a hand on him in anger like that, and I've never threatened to either. I feel like he is using these angry outbursts that i'm haivng that are sfrightening and confusing enough for me - as a way to make me feel bad or lay guilt on me or soemthing. It's funny - I just wrote in another thread that the anger I was feeling was the only thing that I did not like about quitting, but that my husband and family understood and were supportive made it bearable because we could laugh about it.

I have issues with that too, Danielle. In my mind, i look at using smoking as a way to cope as a "false coping mechanism" I meen - an adiction is not coping, it is only making matters worse. So, now to just walk away or whatever - replace the fals coping mechanism with another thing that isn't making anything any better just seems like another dead end road that's going to end with pent up anger coming out somewhere. It's unny - i have done a bunch of reading on asertiveness over the last month and I get the EXACT same thing all the time. Remove yourself from the situation. I do not see how that is getting anyone's needs met. I'm missing the point somewhere - some connection here is not being made in my brain. Walking away seems like what non-asertive peopel already do until they blow up and become agressive. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 35 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,957 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $455 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44

I think that I am getting it, Dannielle, and Free. In situations that need to be dealt with right away, I can take three breaths before I speak. I am imagining a situation that I am having right now with my landlord, and I don't think that will work. If you don't answer my landlord right away, he answers for you. LOL But, for normal people, probably. Free - you explained in a way that I can understand, and thanks for that. The part about the other perosn ahving a temper problem and me feading into that was especially helpful - I am curently dealing with this guy that works for my landlord, and both of them are bullies. I have bene thinking that the best thing that I can do for myself right now is to move out of here, but then I remind myself that tere aren't amny people who say they love their landlord. Though, i guess that most people do get treated legally and respectfully most o the time. I'm sorry about rambling about this - I know that you don't care about my landlord - it's just a big issues at the moment for me. The other thing that i've found is that I seem far less willing to accept being treated poorly now. I am betting that i'm not alone on this one either. We are doing the single most loving thing that we can do for ourselves, and we develop some self respect and dignity for it, and sudenly it's not OK that some guy barges onto your drive way and starts yelling at you. The old me would have stared wide eyed until he left - i've done it before. then I cried and took out my frustration on myself or others. I'm not willing to do it anymore. You combine the fact that we're developing some dignity and learning to be loving to ourselves with the fact that many of us have very poor comunication or problem solving skills, and you have a recipe for disaster. I guess that's why the way that you put it - about it actually being kind and loving to me to treet others with respect even when they don't deserve it really struck a cord. I'm going to have to do some journaling about this and see if I can get it to stick, and see if I can use to figure out some of the things that I am going through right now. Hubby and I had a long talk last night, and I think that we made some progress. I just wrote in my journal yesterday that

1965, I know what you mean I'm still depressed a lot of the time I'm sure this will pass like all the rest. One day at a time :)Marie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/13/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 69 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,042 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $276 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

1965 and MistyMoon, I don't know how long the depression feelings last but I have been coping with them since the beginning I have noticed and (also read my journal) that they come around less often now. I don't get angry anymore but I have had at least 3 days of intense crying since my quit, I shouldn't say I don't get angry that's false I do but I can deal with it, I stand back get my mind straight and away it goes. But some days I feel just depressed and the next, I'm fine so rollercoaster ride it is. It can be done one day at a time :)Marie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/13/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 69 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,048 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $276 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

I'm not sure what's frustrating me about my quit. Maybe it's the quit itself. I honestly did not quit because I wanted to, I quit because my kids asked me to. I knew that smoking was bad for me I have asthma and got sick a lot but really wasn't ready. Or so my addicted brain says. I liked smoking, I'm not sure why but I did and I miss it. That's my frustraction. I need to stop this and move on but it's hard. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/6/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 107 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,293 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $374.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46

Thank you all so much for sharing. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that's gone through this. I was starting to doubt my sanity. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/6/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 107 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,293 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $374.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 33

I have been very angry and depressed. My addicted brain says hey just have a cigarette and you�ll be fine. I�m serious about quitting but I have to wonder if it�s worth it. Has any one else gone through this? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/6/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 107 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,289 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $374.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

When we get angry, our thinking gets clouded and irrational because we get all worked up. Before we use to go and smoke. Not only did that give us our drug, but it also gave us time. Time to calm down. Time to get our 'fix'. Now we don't go and do drugs and we don't go and take time. I don't know if I can say anything to make any light bulbs go off ... but I can ramble and maybe I'll strike a nerve with someone. So now ... since we are not getting a 'fix' and we are not taking time .... What do we do? This is what helps me, if it helps someone else ... wonderful! I try my very best to remember to speak to people from my heart. Even if I am angry with them. I do not succeed every single time. But I do succeed at it 90% of the time because of practice. If I find myself getting flustered, I take a time out. I can't think straight when I am all flustered and therefore I will probably end up saying something I don't mean ... so best to shut my mouth and calm down. Time to refocus. Time to treat myself with love and patience, so that I can treat others with with love and patience. Some may say 'But I am mad! I just want to cuss them out. They pissed me off'. Please understand that speaking from the heart, while it may be nice for the other person, it is what is really best for you. Feeling out of control is not fun. When you speak from the heart, you are speaking from a place calm inner peace. It helps it really does. It takes practice, but when accomplished, it feels so much better than exploding. When I am really angry and need a time out ... I find that praying, watching a movie, taking a bubble bath, exercising, having a good cry, journaling, talking to a friend to vent ... all of these things really help to restore me back to a calm so that I can revisit the problem. If the other person has a temper problem, remember that does not mean that you have to feed into and loose your temper as well. Remember to be patient with yourself and also that new coping skills take practice. Hope this has helped someone. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 101 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,050 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $404 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Second