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19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Mama, i am so very angry FOR you! This is certainly a hard enough journey without sabateurs! But, you can think of these challenges as things you will have to face eventually and get them out of the way now. Congratulations on day 10. Know that you are in my thoughts. Just get through the next 5 minutes.... please please do not throw away all that you have gained. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/4/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 7 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 78 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $19.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 12 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 220

Jeani junebug, checking in.... just posted a few minutes ago day 4 sucks..... big time feel like im going to crawl out of my skin.... reading posting trying to maintain control.....jeanigirl

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 481

Well, I really need to vent today. I was having a perfectly lovely day, just not smoking. I took my son the two hours to his summer camp (driving isn't real easy for me not to smoke but I didn't even crave) Then after I got home, I had to take my mother to the grocery store. She has COPD and can't really get around on her own anymore. SHE SMOKED IN MY CAR!!!! I CAN'T BELEIVE IT!!! IT'S BAD ENOUGH WHEN SHE SMOKES IN FRONT OF ME AT HER HOUSE BUT IN MY CAR!! I tryed to pretend it didn't bother me, but boy it started me craving sooooo bad. I am still craving over it. It's really dumb because one of the major reasons I am quiting is so I won't be helpless in my old age like her. I don't want to be sick all the time and need to be pushed around in a wheelchair at walmart. I don't want to be the same burden to my kids. I want to be able to play with grandchildren and be the leader of my family. So the irrational thoughts are here and even more unfair, my daughters cigs are out on the patio again. I hate that voice inside that tell me, one won't hurt, no one will know. But the worse thing is that I feel so sorry for myself! Why do I have to be the leader and example. Why do I have to do it under almost impossible conditions. Oh boy, I just want to start smoking and forget this whole thing. I am also getting very very angry with my Mom. I respect my elders and all but first I had to live though her alcoholism as a child and now this. I didn't realize untill recently that she also started me on a life long addiction to nicotine that I will be struggling with all my life. I don't know what to do about that. I can't avoid her because someone has to take care of her, but I also don't want to make an enemy of her either. So far, all I do is what I have to and then I leave as quickly as possible. Twice I have spent the rest of the day suffering the crave that comes from it. I know this is way to long, but I just don't know where else I can say all this and not offend anyone. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 10 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 433 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $57 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 32 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3

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$76,022.10

Amount Saved
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Days: 6586 Hours: 0

Minutes: 45 Seconds: 13

Life Gained
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46074

Smoke Free Days
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276,444

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 481

I agree but I certainly am not very used to "talking back" to my mom. I am very engrained in respecting my elders and I am afraid of aleinating her or offending her. i asked my daughter to put the cigs away but I guess she forgot again. I don't know if they are actually trying to sabatoging me or they are just being thoughtless. I feel better now after I went and did 45 min. on the treadmill. Maybe after a while I will be able to handle it better, but right now, the smell of it in my car drove me crazy. I talked to my grown son who is close to my mother and he also says just tell her not to smoke around me. He says that even if she is offended, she will get over it because she needs me very badly right now. He also offered to talk to her for me but I think that tomorrow when I bring dinner I may say something to her. Mama Mama [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 11 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 440 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $62.7 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11

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$76,022.10

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Days: 6586 Hours: 0

Minutes: 45 Seconds: 13

Life Gained
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46074

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276,444

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 481

Ok, so it's monday, and I'm back at work... That episode with my mother really set me back a bunch! I had a crave that wouldn't quit and I ended up having to just go to bed rather than give in to it. I'm still feeling really really sad and I have been reading on the site all morning. This is 11 days and I don't know why but it seems like for me, I am going through hell week in inconsecutive days. The first week, some of the days were easy! Now I am still not sleeping and having long long craves that nothing seems to completly releave. One thing is, not only did that make me crave a cigarette but it gave amo to the nicodemon because it says "see, no one is proud of you or even cares if you smoke or not" I feel so alone and unsupported when I am not on the site. Many of you have husbands and wives, I am totally alone. I think my mom and daughter want me to smoke. But being back at work today helps. Now if only I could do something productive instead of just read on this website all day! Mama [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 11 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 462 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $62.7 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 24 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

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$76,022.10

Amount Saved
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Days: 6586 Hours: 0

Minutes: 45 Seconds: 13

Life Gained
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46074

Smoke Free Days
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276,444

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 481

Zazz, you know I think that "Pressure over the whole quiting thing" is a big part of it. I feel like everyone is watching me waiting for me to fail. I have made it sooooo important (and it is). And in some ways, maybe everyone in my life is kind of watching me because they all smoke and I am the leader of smokers. If I can quit, then they have no more excuses because if I can do it anyone can. I really need to go back and read some of the funnier posts and look at the lighter side of this. I am just getting too heavy. Then the other thing is too, I noticed that when I feel the crying jags comming on that I have heard other people talk about, I think I tend to start feeling sorry for myself and I have to think up reasons to feel that way rather than just saying, oh, it's just the withdrawl talking. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 11 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 463 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $62.7 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 32 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

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$76,022.10

Amount Saved
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Days: 6586 Hours: 0

Minutes: 45 Seconds: 13

Life Gained
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46074

Smoke Free Days
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276,444

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3368

I think you June quitters are doing great! You've got a great bunch! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 923 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $120 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57

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$55,288.80

Amount Saved
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Days: 6342 Hours: 6

Minutes: 39 Seconds: 4

Life Gained
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46074

Smoke Free Days
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138,222

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3368

No it is not abnormal ... you are not alone Den. Welcome to SSC. You've come to the right place for support. Go ahead and do the Quit Program Tools to the left of your screen, read a lot of the threads on here as they hold tons of info that will help you, post often ... Keep on keeping your quit ... you can do this. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 924 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $120 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38

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$55,288.80

Amount Saved
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Days: 6342 Hours: 6

Minutes: 39 Seconds: 4

Life Gained
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46074

Smoke Free Days
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138,222

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3368

[quote]SHE SMOKED IN MY CAR!!!! I CAN'T BELEIVE IT!!! IT'S BAD ENOUGH WHEN SHE SMOKES IN FRONT OF ME AT HER HOUSE BUT IN MY CAR!! I tryed to pretend it didn't bother me[/quote] Why did you let her smoke in your car? Why did you pretend it didn't bother you? Why did you let her cross YOUR personal boundaries? [quote]my daughters cigs are out on the patio again. I hate that voice inside that tell me, one won't hurt, no one will know.[/quote] You will know. And you will feel horrible about it afterward. Do not ever some a cigarette again. Not even a puff. You are a non-smoker now Mama. [quote]But the worse thing is that I feel so sorry for myself![/quote] I do not mean this mean, so please do not take it that way. Is it possible that you feel sorry for yourself because what you really want is others to feel sorry for you or for others to give you attention or acknowledge you? [quote]Why do I have to be the leader and example. Why do I have to do it under almost impossible conditions.[/quote] Well you know in reality you do not 'have' to be the leader or set the example. But you also know that by not setting the example, as a caring parent ... the guilt would probably be worse than what you are feeling right now about it. [quote]Oh boy, I just want to start smoking and forget this whole thing.[/quote] Do you really? [IMG]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a17/Daniwiz/smoking_cigarette.gif[/IMG] I think you need to set some personal boundaries and stick to them. Do not feel guilty about your personal boundaries. Personal boundaries are healthy. (((hugs for you Mama))) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 925 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $120 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6

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$55,288.80

Amount Saved
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Days: 6342 Hours: 6

Minutes: 39 Seconds: 4

Life Gained
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46074

Smoke Free Days
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138,222

Cigarettes Not Smoked

19 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

Mama, You've gotten some great advice here and Breaking Free brought up an interesting point... you have to learn how to set personal boundaries now as a non-smoker. When you were a smoker, would you have smoked in a non-smokers' car without their permission. Same applies here. Your mother may not realize that the smoke bothers you because she's always seen you as a smoker. I think if you approach her in a calm manner, the two of you should be able to resolve this issue or at the very least find some middle ground. Danielle ___________________________________ The SSC Support Team

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