Eve, Thank you for opening up and sharing this story with us. Stay strong, make good use of your coping mechanisms. You can do this. Take Care, Melanie ____________________ The SSC Support Team

Awww, sorry your night was so sucky. But girl you did it!!! You won the fight!!! It's good you are recognizing these triggers. I'm proud of you! Did you ever find out what crawled up your kitty's behind? Hugsss, Nicole [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/14/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 76 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $9.39 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

Triggers....Ok...So this is what I looked like last night... [IMG]http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i126/Eve144/36_1_30.gif[/IMG] Not quite the easter bunny huh...well yesterday was my first real trigger and something I really needed to look at for myself. I wanted to share it here in hopes that others may be able to identify with it and that they might be able to handle it better too, now that we know how to spot something arising within us. A little background: I used to think (way back when I was younger and had started smoking in my teens) that smoking was a real solution to my anger toward my parents, and I did it whenever either of them (or both) would interfere in my life, so I had thought, but in truth it was because the communication issues back then were completely unbalanced and it was a completely dysfunctional way of life. Did I happen to mention they are also both recovering alcoholics? Mom is about 25 yrs sober and dad has about 20 yrs, both in AA. I do not drink at all. I went through my drinking at bars and clubs phase and was 'done' by age 28. My last quit started New years Day 1998 (was 28 as well). Lived a clean and sober life until I started smoking again 5 years ago. Luckily smoking tobacco was the only thing I had started again (not that that is quite that lucky either, you get my point). Well, Mom and I have dealt with our issues (well most of them) and to date have a very strong relationship. Dad and I are still quite estranged though he does say hello every now and then and send a card here and there. That's ok, his mind is 90% vegetable, and only 10% actual. The drinking took its' toll on both parents, but my mom was lucky enough to catch it before all her faculties went buh-bye. Well now, so many years later, things are really good. I have my own life and they have theirs. Mom and I hang out about 2-3 times a month on the weekend and have lunch or dinner and chat. Well yesterday was Easter and we usually do get together for the holidays. My dad does not join us for reasons that are quite simple....he does not really function all that well with either of us and the event is usually quite uncomfortable for everyone. So it just works out better that we all keep our events separate. Sad, perhaps, but we are all much happier

Wow, did that jog some memories! Sorry to hear your Easter didn't turn out as well as it could have. But I understand about alcoholic parents (mine never recovered, though). Having a reward bomb is really bad, too. I had one snatched away at around six months. I can't imagine it happening at 9 days. :8o: But you've learned the healing power of writing. It is very theraputic just gathering your thoughts enough to put them down on paper (or screen). I've often done it and ended up just hitting the Return button instead of the Reply button because the writing did all the fixing required. Those times were vents, though, and [u]not[/u] posting probably kept me on the board. I'm sure it kept the moderators from having to spend a lot of time deleting them, lol. Keep in mind that every time you get through a trigger without smoking, you weaken it. I think you're going to do just fine, Eve. Shevie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/23/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 329 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,596 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1250.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 61 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13