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Betrayed.......


phoenix
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phoenix
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19 years ago 0 61 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
4my2girls, I agree, a couples reward sounds like a fantastic idea ... talk to your husband and decide on something you both would enjoy :) Be nice and loving to yourselves and make some good memories. phoenix wishing you all the best [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/24/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 74 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,241 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �555 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 1 [B]Seconds:[/B] 8
brentw1
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brentw1
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19 years ago 0 711 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I was that man. What you have described about your husband................that was me...........right down to the cigars. She nagged me............she made it clear that as she had stopped.....why couldn't I? It took several years but I got there in the end. I had to make a choice at the end of the day. If my love for my family had been suspect...then I guess I would have left or been left......as it happened, I came to my senses and they stuck by me. Not sure if this helps, but there you have it. Mad Englishman [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/8/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 151 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,062 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �755 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5
Lady
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Lady
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19 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
4my2girls. Breathe! I have some things to tell you that are not going to make you feel better and they probably won't help either but they are the truth. First of all, this is your quit and your husbands quit belongs to him. You are both addicts with addictive behavior. Feeling betrayed is quite natural but know that your husband is an addict and I'm sure it is not his intent to betray you. He is also betraying himself. Second, He nor you for that matter can quit for your daughters. They can be inspiration for you but the desire has to come from within not the outside. The desire not to smoke must outweight the desire to smoke in order to be successful. Third, You have to seperate your quit and your success from everything else. All you can do is be a good example. I don't know of any smokers that truly want to be smokers. Fourth, The disappointment of your daughters in your husband will not exist. They are children and you are their parents. They will not find any fault in what you do. They are young and do not know better. You are their role models and they love both of you regardless of what you do. Keep you chin held high. Pray for your husband. Hang on to your quit and protect it no matter what. Quitting is a very personal thing. No one can do it for us and no one can take it from us unless we allow them to. Hang in there and keep taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. You are still fighting for your life. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 310 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,211 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1085 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 27 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3
Lady
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Lady
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19 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
4my2girls. Keep believing in yourself. Believe in your husband as well. Do Not Give up. Nothing is impossible. ((((HUGS)))) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 310 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,213 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1085 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 27 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59
Lady
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Lady
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19 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
4my2girls... I must agree with Bubba here. You are very early in your quit and you will find that you will go through all kinds of emotional changes as you progress. Know that things will settle down. Just be sure you allow all the dust to settle before you make any life changing decisions. Focus on your quit and let all the other negative thoughts go. You need all the possitive energy you can get your hands on at this time. You are rapidly approaching a stage of your quit that many give up in. Be very cautious and don't allow the nicodemon to play head games with you. Know that YOU are ALWAYS in control of you. Focus and be strong. You can do this! Post whenever you need us. No matter how silly it may seem, just post. We are here to help you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 311 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,232 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1088.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 27 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 1 [B]Seconds:[/B] 18
Luna
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Luna
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19 years ago 0 989 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Oh gosh - how awful. I can totally relate to how betrayed I would feel. My husband felt betrayed the many times he thought I had stopped smoking and then found out I was cheating. This addiction causes us to do many things that are uncharacteristic of us. Try to forgive the addict part of him. "he is undoing all I have done" NO HE ISN'T!! Your quit is yours and yours alone. Stand tall. Be proud. Do not allow his behavior to diminish your own. YOU are setting a wonderful example for your daughter and for him (whether or not he can acknowledge that right now) His quit is his own. He may have failed this time, but someday he will make it. The poor guy just let denial and nico-demon take over again. My advice (if you want it) would be the same as what I just gave island girl. "The only thing that I would add is that if you can find it in yourself (and this would be oh so hard), ISTOP encouraging your husband to quit. Show him by example that it is possible, but otherwise let it be. He is probably terrified too, watching his friend, but sometimes the response to that fear and everyone ELSE'S efforts to get him to quit can cause someone to dig his heels in even further. You mentioned that "we" tried this and then "we" tried this and then "we" got him this. The emphasis was on other people wanting it more than he wanted it himself. Sigh. This never works. You know from your own experience, that we only quit when WE are ready. We addicts are masters of deception, denial and rationalization. We are rebels who managed to ignore the information, the facts, the deaths for many many years. That rebel in us resists and fights back when others try to "make" us do something. Thus your and every one else's efforts may (and this is just a hypothesis) be making it harder for him to see the light. So, my suggestion would be to do everything but pressure him to quit. Show him by example. Forgive him for his addiction. Talk about your OWN process. Pray. Send him secret positive subliminal messages for the strength to stop. Love him! One day will be his time." Best wishes. This would be so hard. Protect your own quit at all costs right now and try to keep your energy on that. At two months, you still need all of the energy y

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cybrduke
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cybrduke
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19 years ago 0 941 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
4my2girls - Keep the picture of your healthy and active family firmly in your mind and do not let go of it. Every day take a step to reach that goal. Don't be depressed that you're not there yet. You're on the road to being there and getting the trip started is usually the hardest part. I hope you and your hubby can find common ground on the smoking issue. He has to know how committed you are and I agree with earlier posts, he's probably pretty angry with himself for not making it. I had that reaction on several failed quits myself. The people who quit and fail, then quit and fail, then quit and fail, are the people that will eventually succeed! He is on the way believe it or not. He may take longer than you. I'm a man, and at the risk of getting all the guys on the board mad at me, I'll state that my wife seems more in touch and in control of her emotions than I am. I've noticed that same thing in other people as well. Women reflect and ponder while men just bash it if it doesn't work! :-) Keep us posted and stay quit. Every day quit is one step closer to that picture you have in your head. Also, remember life is a journey. You'll never reach the destination, you'll always be on the road. That's a good thing. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/7/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 62 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,182 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $527 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9

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cybrduke
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cybrduke
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19 years ago 0 941 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
4my2girls - Take a deep breath. First and foremost, you stick with your quit. Keep setting the example you are, your girls will see it and learn it. Second, it's time to confront hubby. Intstead of telling him he's failing, tell him how YOU feel. Statements like "you might as well go buy a pack" are not going to lead to any meaningful dialog. A statement like "I feel like you might be fooling yourself with these cigars..." may lead to some input from him. I'd ask him if he really does want to quit. If he responds yes, tell him that you think he might need some help doing it. See if you can get him to the doctor. Get him on an NRT and an anti-anxiety medication to help him do it. He can't do it for the kids, he needs to do it for himself. The fact that he's "stopped" smoking shows that he does care for you very much but he is having a much harder time with it than you, and that's okay. Ask him what you can do to help him get back on the right course. Try your best to drop the anger. Remember he's being manipulated by a very powerful substance and it's not easy. For some people it's damn close to impossible. It sounds like he has the right intentions but he needs some better tools to get the job done. I'll say a prayer for the two of you. Whatever you do, don't let the nico-demon hurt your relationship with him. It's okay to be angry that he's having trouble quitting, but try not to project anger, try to project strength and try to help. I wish you luck - I'll watch the board on and off today to see if you need someone to talk to. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/7/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 61 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,154 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $518.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27

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    Days: 10042 Hours: 9

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    46097

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    368,776

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joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey there :) You've received gr8 advice! U have 2 very important things that play a tremendous part in your quit. 1, Determination & 2, self honesty. I've been following your quit and I think you should be very proud of yourself. Keep your eye on the positive things going on around you & be grateful for what you have. Acknowledge that you have an addict personality..."all or nothing". 2 things that need to happen in order for you to stay quit are...1, get through those hard emotional times, realize anger stems from pain, let yourself cry, heal and grow up emotionally,,,2, balance, as you continue in your quit you'll find balance in different areas of your life. That all or nothing part of your personality will still be there but you will find balance. Acceptance is another key to quitting that you've already recognized which is a good thing. Remember this...when you point your finger at somebody, there's 4 fingers pointing back at you. Keep looking in the mirror & keep all the good work. You should be very proud of yourself today! No matter what don't lite up... Keep on keepin on... Cherie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/22/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 439 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,793 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1756 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 42 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

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    $30,852.00

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    Days: 691 Hours: 2

    Minutes: 19 Seconds: 20

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    5142

    Smoke Free Days

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    102,840

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

Bubba
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Bubba
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19 years ago 0 407 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
[quote]I'm beginning to think that there is more to this than just him smoking again. I really don't want to go down that road. One thing at a time.[/quote] What does that mean? Do not answer that just think of what you said above. I do not know the strength of your relationship but I do know others are dependent on you both and you need a happy environment for them. You see, that demon is still jumping in your mind playing those little nasty games. You can't let anything sway you. And at the same time, do not take your quit as a confidence building to cause hasty decisions. You are truly an honest person to lay your soul out to us as you did above. I am truly inspired by your thoughts. Lindsey [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/10/2001 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1701 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 102,090 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $17010 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 351 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38

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    $124,461.90

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    Days: 7091 Hours: 21

    Minutes: 7 Seconds: 45

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    46097

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    1,843,880

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