[color=Purple]I can't believe today is 51 days. I thought it was 50 days today and I knew I wanted to write something down about the way my life has completely changed since I quit April 8th, 2006.
I have had no time for the computer. Well at least, no personal time. I find that my work has not only picked up, it has exceeded the old limits as more people have been requesting my assistance with course projects and even the Dean had requested I begin grading exams and doing more intense work than before. And when I get home, or after work, there are things that I just automatically do, and I find I am out of the house ore now than I have ever been. I stop at Starbucks sometimes, which I never really did before, and I will browse the shops now and linger while picking up a little something for myself, which is another thing I never really did. I talk to more people, I am out there encouraging others to kick the 'nic', and I am living my life the way I never thought I could. It is like, since I put out my last smoke, I've opened a door for myself that was waiting for me to enter for 25 years. Now I say 25 years, because in truth, my last quit 4 years ago didn't take because it was lacking the one essential element that is necessary to maintain a successful quit: Doing it for ME. Now I don't even count those 4 years in between my umpteen years of smoking because it wasn't authentic. I just went through the motions but still wasn't HAPPY. Now, I am doing it for all the RIGHT reasons and I am HAPPY. Well, I have my days, and my moments, but my overall mood is much better. And when people ask me what is the best thing about being quit, I tell them I have a much better quality of life now, and I am never going back. There is no crave strong enough to overpower me. I will always prevail. N.O.P.E.
I still get angry though, and my most recent healing moment was this: I was just sitting one morning and listening to some inspirational music, when all of a sudden a feeling of gratitude washed over e like never before--I looked around at how beautiful life is and the sun's rays shining through the trees, and the birds singing outside my window, and all at once I got angry-and wondered WHY I wasted so much of my life smoking. I started to cry. I couldn't BELIEVE how mu