Katy,
I understand what you are saying and I agree with you. It was stupid to buy the cigs. Like I said before, I don't advise that plan for anyone, but it strengthened my quit. Does that mean that I'm going to go out and buy cigarettes all the time because I know I'm strong enough to handle it? NO!!!!!! Does that mean that the next time I'm upset, it's OK to buy cigarettes because I was strong enough last time? NO!!!!!!! That would be stupid and I hope I'm never in that situation again. I'm not condoning what I did... but it DID strengthen my quit.
Vicki said once that she did that very early in her quit:
"Early in my quit here I posted once about having a cig in my mouth but not lighting up. Someone asked me why on earth I still had cigs around me. Well I answered that question the same as the alcohol. It's easy to say you've quit if you are never tempted, but you've only really quit when the temptation is there and you still can say no. I must say I had many many times of wanting to have just one drink and I'm sure I'll have many many times of thinking one cigarette will help me out. [b]I truly believe though that until you are able to be around the substance that is your addiction and not give in to it, you are not really ever going to be sure if you can do it. [/b]Of course I know there are some who have had very successful quits by keeping the demon out of their way and if that works then go for it, but at some time, you are going to have to be around it and not want to embrace it again."
At the time she wrote that, I didn't agree with that method because it just seemed too tempting and it would be too easy to throw away your quit and just isn't worth it, but I understand her logic now. Again, I wouldn't recommend this method to anyone, but if you're in that situation and make it through, it's very strengthening to a quit.
I never posted about this until now because I was ashamed of my actions. It's not something I'm PROUD of, but I was letting Rawker know that I know how that feels because I've been there. Believe me, when I woke up in the morning and was still quit, I was the happiest person on earth!!!
Crave the Quit!
Butterfly [IMG]http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c177/kissnflirt/littlebutterflies.gif[/IMG]
[B]My Mil