This is really hard for me but I have to confess. It's not the confession thats hard its the OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE feeling.
Well, you guessed it,I had a slip. Funny thing is I saw it coming... My depression was getting the better of me and I know that
I was dwelling on "not smoking" boo hoo, as if a smoke was really going to make me feel better.
Well... Heres what happened...
Last weekend was a killer, I had company for the first time in 2 months and the socially induced cravings were incredibly strong.I hung on though and was so thankful to have gotten through it.Then on Sunday, I was so down that I stayed in bed all day. I've been feeling sorry for myself,negative thinking and all that depression stands for..Monday...wasn't much better and at 9 pm I took a sleeping pill ( my doctor prescribed zopiclone...A non-addictive sleep aid).
The next morning..I awoke feeling a bit better..but then..I remembered what I had done. It seamed like a dream..but I knew it wasn't. The night before, on day 47 of my quit...I smoked not 1 but 2 cigarettes.
OMG!! What did I do that for...If I ever needed a reason to be depressed...
Now. I had to make a choice..Was I going to give up on my quit or keep trudging on..
I still want to be free of this maddening addiction so that leaves only one choice...
Should I reset my meter? boo-hoo...I had almost made it to 50 days.I was so looking forward to celebrating with all of you.
I know that that is only trivial and protecting my quit from now on is what I need to focus on. I just have to figure out how to make sure this doesn't happen again. For starters, the sleeping pills have to go. Next, I think that I may need to increase my antidepressents.
It's nearly impossibe to have a positive attitude when you are depressed.
Thanks for listening to my ramble...
If theres anyone thinking about slipping (consciously or subconsciously),there are usually signs. Don't ignor them. While setbacks do not mean failure, just suppose they did...
