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Browse through 411.750 posts in 47.055 threads.

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an addict's denial...


18 years ago 0 456 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Ms. Celia.. I read your post and was waiting to see if you would start smoking again. I was SOOOOOO glad to see that the answer was NO. I'm sorry that your guy is not yet commited to quitting. He sounds like he makes a lot of excuses to smoke too. Just not commited or ready to quit. I hope that you do not let his inability to commit to quitting infringe on your hard work. I hope that you don't have to deal with his second hand smoke for example.. Please be fair to yourself. He is not truly completely responsible for his restarting.. he is just not as strong as you are. But remember that you restarting WILL NEVER HELP ANYTHING. I hope that you two will be happy together and that he does decide to quit one day soon. But, you never know about relationships.. God, we all have learned that (divorce country of the world .. lol) but, you do know that NOT SMOKING will ALWAYS be right for you. Hope it gets better.... I happy to know that you can think of yourself independently because that is better for you right now. 243 days ... wish I were there.. will be in 210 days.. lol Hang Tuff.. Knight Christine [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 33 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 849 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $115.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35
18 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Celia... Hang on to that quit with all your might. You have worked too hard and come too far to give it all up now. You are right, your B is in an awful position of denial. The freedom you and I feel is something he can only dream of. That is sad. He too could experience the life changing event of being quit. We are rapidly approaching that one year mark. Last July we dreamed of being quit and now here we are in March still quit. It has been a difficult road to travel. Don't forget all we went through to get to where we are. I plan on celebrating that one year milestone with you. You come here anytime you need us. You talk to us, you go for walks, you do whatever you have to do, just don't give up your quit. It is more valuable than anything. We are here for you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 248 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,979 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $868 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 21 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59
18 years ago 0 563 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Celia, I commend your tenacity. That is what quits are made of. As for your addicted boyfriend... life is short.... there are a lot of fish in the sea. You can love him with all your heart and soul and be miserable for the rest of your life while you watch him have his love affair with his addiction. I cannot imagine being in a relationship that had those sorts of issues. Why? Anyway.. that is just my 2 cents. The important thing is that you keep your quit no matter what. You are the smart one. You are the determined one. You are the one destined for a longer, healthier life. Best wishes. [b][color=Purple]Be Strong. Be Smart. Be Quit[/color] [color=black]Joe[/color] [size=3][color=Blue]Knowledge Replaces Fear[/color][/size] [size=2][color=black]Illegitimus non carborundum est[/color][/size][/b] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/15/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 296 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,408 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $725.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 51 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 19
  • Quit Meter

    $36,336.00

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    Days: 9769 Hours: 2

    Minutes: 2 Seconds: 54

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    45420

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18 years ago 0 135 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You are to be commended for sticking with your quit in light of the B difficulties. You have worked very hard to get where you are and the only way B will get there is by facing the fact he is an addict and one is too many and 100 not enough. You can't quit for B, you can only control your quit and it seems to me you are doing a great job of that. Come here when you feel overwhelmed and read about other quitters' problems.....it is usually easy to find someone that has more than you. Reward yourself for a job well done and let us hear from you often. Hugs, Nan [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/18/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 322 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,428 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1223.6 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 40 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59
18 years ago 0 33 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi everyone and thanks for the replies. Thank you for your support Lady, Nan, Christine, Josie... Joe and Rusty I know it seems my life revolves around B smoking, well actually only the past couple of weeks, but I really am getting over it. Smoking and issues related to it bring out the worst in people, when I have posted messages on here is when I'm at my worst, panicky, dependant, stressed depressed... But I have managed to get used to not smoking so I sure as hell can get used to him smoking again, really it is minor in comparism. It is almost good that he has started smoking again (hopefully it won't be for long) as it has brought to my attention a whole heap of issues... and the Dr Phil book is helping me work through them, lol... Celia ps. B is also a pretty reasonable person where smoking is not concerned [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/6/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 245 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,689 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1592.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16
  • Quit Meter

    $99,924.00

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    Days: 4671 Hours: 19

    Minutes: 34 Seconds: 50

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18 years ago 0 33 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Usually when a smoker goes back to smoking after a quit attempt, their logical mind pushes the reasons and justifications given to the back of their mind, so as not to have to dwell on them.... Over the past 8 months however, I (Celia: C) have painfully acute memories of everything my boyfriend (Boyfriend: B) has smoked and said about the subject... Thought it would help to share it... I quit smoking July 05. B "quit" in Aug 05. Oct 05: Sat am. B had ordered a game cube and it had not arrived. Angry as it was the error of the postal service. B bought a pack of cigs and smoked 2. Told me they were disgusting and threw away the rest. Nov 05: We went to a party. Both of us stood chatting to smoking friends all night, neither of us smoked. On the way home, B stopped at a garage and bought some cigs. Again smoked just 1 or 2 and threw rest away. Dec 05: Christmas eve. B told me he had been smoking without me knowing, since he'd had bad news about his Mum having a cancer scare (not smoking related). He smoked several over Christmas and threw pack away. Jan 06: B told me he was going to buy some cigs as I had family staying and he felt fed up with it. "I'm not smoking cos I'm addicted, I'm smoking cos I like it" I burst into tears as I felt so scared that he would get addicted again. "OK I'll finish the pack and throw them away. You've made me realise what a bad idea it was" Feb 06: We went out for breakfast and the cafe forgot B had ordered bacon. He explained that the reason he was so cross was cos he'd had such a hard week at work. "And I've been smoking again. I hate my job so much and it's the only thing that gets me away from my desk. I'm going to smoke til I leave my job" (planned in Oct as we are going travelling then home to the other side of the world to see family - not the best time to quit smoking either of course) I cried about this all weekend. On Mon, B asked me what was wrong. I said the smoking thing was still getting to me and would take me a while to come to terms with. B told me he had quit again. He said, "It's horrible and I hate it" On Fri I thought I could smell cigarettes on him. I asked him. He said, "I haven't smoked all week but I had one today" I said, "You can't become a non-smoker by smoking. If you want to be a n
  • Quit Meter

    $99,924.00

    Amount Saved

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    Days: 4671 Hours: 19

    Minutes: 34 Seconds: 50

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    45420

    Smoke Free Days

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    181,680

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Just wanted you to know that I am living the same story here. H was supposed to have quit when I did, but didn't. A few weeks ago he told me he quit. I think he lasted a few days - don't know for sure. The last few weeks have been difficult, trying to come to terms with his inadequate efforts, but I am back on track with MY QUIT. He needs to find his way in his own good time - Hopefully. It's a choice!
  • Quit Meter

    $330,430.50

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    Days: 6027 Hours: 8

    Minutes: 32 Seconds: 29

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    45420

    Smoke Free Days

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    681,300

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18 years ago 0 2462 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Celia, why are you obsessing over his actions? You have created a litany of dates, times and places that you go over and over in your mind. You are now addicted to his addiction. Believe me, I have been there in a previous life. I applaud you for sticking with your quit, but just like the spouse of an alcoholic, you are playing the martyr/victim game. His addiction has nothing to do with you. Your quit has nothing to do with him. But you are winding them all around each other. And that is a dangerous game to play. Please do some research on co-dependency...check out a book called "Co-dependency No More" by Melanie Beattie. I think you will find it very interesting. Good luck! Rusty :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 449 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,583 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1571.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 61 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 38 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46
  • Quit Meter

    $54,870.40

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    Days: 647 Hours: 23

    Minutes: 35 Seconds: 20

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18 years ago 0 763 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
It's SO important to realize that quitting is a "personal CHOICE" You can NOT intwine the choices of two people where this addiction is concerned. You may make the SAME choices....but then again you may not.....one may succeed easily....one may have an awful time....including slips and even failure. The other can NOT let this effect THEIR decision. When I quit, I wanted to blab about it non stop....I wanted recognition and praise....I basked in the warmth of feeling like a conquering hero. When my hubby quit, he told me to 'shut up already' about quitting.....he wanted to hear not a SINGLE word or advice OR support. (said it made him think more about smoking) He certainly did it HIS way and it certainly wasn't MY way. LOL We steared clear of each other on certain subjects and in certain situations for quite some time. We are now both pretty vocal about winning this battle and seem to agree on about everything....(but we realize we needed those different approaches in the beginning) If you aren't careful, you will let what a mate/partner/friend is doing play into your OWN quit. You will resent their failure or sometimes even their apparently easy success! This is the junky in you at work!! Your addiction is powerful and ever so sly....it works on you both consciously and UNconsciously! Keep yourself set aside in your OWN quit. Learn ways to nurture and strengthen it. Don't let the fact that YOU are unique in how you do this and how you fell about it get confused with the OTHER person's uniqueness. I have a dear friend that quit shortly after we did. He has relapsed a couple of times.....the first time he tried to hide it from us and when I found out I was REALLY upset.....I realized I was taking HIS problem WAY to personally. He didn't deserve my anger/disappointment/judgement etc.....and frankly I didn't deserve what those feelings "toward" him did to "me". I had to learn to back off and regroup.....the person needed my 'support'....maybe in a verbal way or maybe in just a silent way?? But I had to realize that his choices were just that.....HIS choices. [i]my quit is the greatest thing I have ever done for my SELF.....and it is TOTALLY personal[/i] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date:
  • Quit Meter

    $158,970.00

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    Days: 5343 Hours: 13

    Minutes: 55 Seconds: 32

    Life Gained

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    45420

    Smoke Free Days

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    908,400

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18 years ago 0 763 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
B is an addict and is trying to deny it. Period, Polk-a-dot. YOU, girlfriend, are in "control" of your life. STAY there. (((hug))) Katy
  • Quit Meter

    $158,970.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 5343 Hours: 13

    Minutes: 55 Seconds: 32

    Life Gained

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    45420

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    908,400

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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