I have so much going on � I don�t know if I can deal with it. . .
I recently had some abnormal cells removed from my cervix (quite unpleasant), and on Wednesday I got a call at work from the doctor�s office telling me I had to come in that day, it was important. Turns out there was a small amount of cancer among the tissue they removed. She THINKS they got it all, but I have to go for another biopsy on May 4, just in case. I�m 26 years old.
Then, yesterday, my 9-year-old God-daughter fell at school and hurt her hip. Turns out she actually broke it, and the x-ray shows a mass in her bones. The doctors have to put a plate in, and biopsy the mass to check for cancer. That could be why her hip broke so easily.
You�d think that I would want to quit smoking even more now, right? Wrong. It�s all I can think about. I�m stressed to the max and an emotional wreck, and I am gong to visit my friend and her daughter (my God-daughter) at lunchtime today, and I KNOW my friend is going through a personal hell and chain-smoking like mad, and I KNOW I will want to join her.
I can�t handle this stress. Smoking probably contributed to the cancer they found and removed from me, but I still want it. Why? Why do I feel it will be better if I have just one?
I�m being stupid, but honest. Not sure how I am going to handle all this.