Welcome Will,
I am sorry to read you have been feeling this way for so long. It sounds incredibly frustrating and depressing. If you feel your fatigue is not related to depression then continue to see professionals. Some issues can take awhile to diagnose. Don't give up on the medical system. Keep looking for answers. Keep trying new things that may help. If it is depression, depression can be stubborn to treat but it can be treated.
If you think what you are experiencing is Chronic Fatigue then check out the documentary, "Unrest". It can be hard to watch due to the emotional content but I found it very informative.
Have you had a chance to check out the program yet? Is it similar to CBT you have done in the past?
Hi.
I'm the UtopianHero, but I'll just drop that and say that my name's Will, because there's literally thousands of Wills in existence and I don't think I lose anything telling you my real name.
I don't think I've lived, at all. My entire life's wrong. I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure. I know I'm depressed and probably anxious, but I can't figure out how a piece fits into it---I'm exhausted 24/7. Even when I'm happy, which is usually most of the time, actually, just not today as I'm at a breaking point, I'm still empty. Something's wrong, and missing, and I feel like the only thing holding me back is this fatigue that I have no matter what.
But I've just spent the last 9 years testing every single possible physical ailment that could be, and I've a clean bill of physical health. Then a piece of media taught me that I could be dealing with depression---a few taught me that, even.
Gee, this is already a mess and I should have gone over this better and more chronologically but I'm in such a messed up mind space and I've explained this so many times now, i'm just tired, even mentally. Sick of explaining my problems only to never get the help I want, and am trying to get just for myself independently by following routines and practicing CBT and all that junk.
Only, none of it's working. I approach every day optimistically, even when I wake up more tired than I was when I went to bed. I have no friends, I haven't talked to anyone but my parents, explaining how socially awkward this entire thing is, in five years, and I'm so lonely because they can't help me at all. They're giving me a place to live in, which is nice, but they've snapped and kicked me out a few times, even though I'm only *now* 18, and I appreciate this, but I just feel nothing for them. I don't know why I can't. There's just a kind of support that they can't give me, at all. And I want it, but I don't know how to get it. I don't think they did much with me at all like a normal supportive set of parents could have. We did nothing together. I never felt encouraged to do anything. They acted like they were encouraging me, but I don't think they know what someone really wants to hear to feel better. They're also really dramatic about stuff.
So, uhm, otherwise I'm just an almost 19 year old who isn't suicidally depressed or anything, been there done that, and taken a million medications and done a million different treatments and ECT and stuff, but nothing's getting better. Even when I approach every day with a routine and try to stay healthy.
I'm trying to take online therapy now, at least, since I'm agoraphobic now from not leaving the house in years, and they recommended while I wait for that to start (though my hopes are kind of thin because it's just more CBT), this place.
By the way, I don't think I've even been diagnosed with anything. Doctors aren't very good at that, here, it seems. Just push a pill and wait a few months, while you proceed to lose your mind waiting for this 'life' you hear so much about to start.
My head's a cloudy mess, I'm exhausted, and I guess I'll try this site's functions now? Cool. Hope you guys don't mind.
PS: Yes, if you did the math right, I've been this way since I was at LEAST 10. My childhood is gone and I'm never getting it back, but I can hopefully move forward? Would be nice.
