Hi -
My journey started last June after I heard about the death of a college friend. It put me into a tailspin worrying about my health. I had trouble sleeping, lots of crying, lots of anxiety, and weight loss. After a visit to a pdoc, I was able to work through my health anxiety over the summer (with the help of some meds and weekly chats with a therapist). Around the time that I got past my health anxiety, I stopped taking the birth control pill (no longer needed because husband got a vasectomy). Over the next few months, I noticed that I became very depressed for 3-4 days at the beginning of each cycle. I also started experiencing very disturbing, obsessive thoughts (mostly related to worry of self-harm although I would never do that). After discussing with my ob-gyn, we decided to go back on the birth control pill to help regulate my hormones. At the same time, I switched to a new pdoc. I have since been able to move past the disturbing thoughts by understanding that they are just thoughts and are completely something that I would never do. My anxiety, I think, has greatly improved. I still go through bouts of crying for no reason and I am completely lacking in motivation.
Here's where I need some help. My current obsessive thought is whether I am depressed or not. I have taken a bunch of online assessments - all of which say mild depression or borderline depression. In fact, the test on this site doesn't mention depression in my results. It only mentions my obsessive thinking. My therapist also went through the checklist of symptoms with me (as recently as two days ago) and I only have two of the symptoms (lack of motivation and crying for no reason). My pdoc said a few weeks ago that she was treating me for moderate depression - probably because I was very emotional when I saw her and still struggling with the disturbing thoughts.
I really feel like I have come a long way since everything started last summer. My last hurdle is really around getting motivated and getting my interest back in things again. In talking with my therapist, we discussed how I might be lacking motivation right now because I am emotionally and physically exhausted from the ups and downs of these past months. Any advice on how to get motivated again or how to get past my obsession about whether I am depressed or not?
