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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Hi Freddy,

I'm sorry you are having ongoing issues with your son. You may have to enact the tough love act on him. If he can't get his act together with your help, then maybe he has to figure it out on his own. If he's stealing from you then perhaps you need to get a safe from your local Home Depot and lock everything he can skim away. You can only allow him to say sorry so many times. He doesn't mean it because he keeps doing it to you! Change the locks and don't give him a key. He'll have to call ahead to visit. Your health is the most important thing right now Freddy! Now is your time. Son needs to feel the repercussions of his actions and you need to allow him to do that. He's an adult now so he needs to start growing up. Don't mean to sound harsh, and I know that is very hard to do, but in the end you'll feel better and he'll hopefully get it.

Rosie is one of my fur babies. She's an almost 2 year old rottweiler and really is a baby despite her size. We have three children and two of them are out the home now and though they are minutes away, we rarely get to see them or even talk to them. But, they have their own lives and we always get together on special occasions. Our youngest is 33 but due to housing costs still lives at home. She is a great support for me. She has just become a teacher this year and is currently substituting, which has been quite regularly. I'm confident she will get a contract though and then she'll be on her way. She's had a bit of a tough go but is happier then I've seen her in a long time!

My entire week has been the week from hell! I went to the clinic to get some paperwork filled out and the treatment I received from the "doctor" I saw, since the original one I went to see about this relapse is away, should be reported to the ethics board or whomever you report to! No compassion, totally dismissive, condescending. Thank God my husband was home because he ended up taking me to emergency where the doctor there was so good and totally validated me and my insight into my own illness. Saw my specialist Thursday and my therapist today so hopefully I can use my thought stopping technics and get back on track. I am so exhausted I can't explain it.

You keep pushing forward Freddy! I was given the name of a book that just glimpsing through today looks very interesting and my therapist really likes. It's called "Feeling Good Hand Book" by David Burns. I'm going to use this as my reason to get out of the house tomorrow. Any tools we can use are good to have.

I'm glad you are getting through to your husband. Sometimes they just need to be asked to do or not do something.

Hang in there girl! I'm with you and I do care! We can take the babysteps together. (I did go for a walk Friday!)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. Bad day today...what goes up must come down?? Ongoing trust issues with my 21 year old son. Had pleasure plans today but got side tracked with the on going drama. He continually skims money or booze, apologizes, acts nice and then does the same thing all over again. I am hopeful each time he apologizes and really think he's turned a corner, but he hasn't. This is not good for my mental health and I'm at the point that I have to protect it. I haven't got dressed today but did manage to get a shower. I am now back in bed:( I did call the 1-800 number and spoke with a counsellor, who was not much older than my son. She didn't really tell me anything that I didn't already know...consequences, following through. Situation is complicated because we are trying to get him through this semester and he lives an hour away from home with his 18 year old sister who he expects to be treated the same as...allowance and not working. He attends university 3 nights a week and an online course. He has a lot of time on his hands and we have been after him since he quit last semester in November to pick up a part time job for pocket money. He wasn't expected to get a job the past 3 years but he doesn't see the logic in that with his sister. He is extremely passive aggressive and an underachiever...his way of gaining control. I just don't know what to do...he has agreed to see a specialist to determine if he has ADD but he rarely follows through on what he says. I want so much for him to get on his way and stop all these games. I question whether this is a phase or is this his true character. It is very worrisome and it is dragging me down. Any pearls of wisdom would be greatly appreciated:)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Thank you rosiesmom for your kind words. It is so nice to realize that there are others out there going through similar experiences and in doing so, we can lean on each other. It is fair to say that I hit rock bottom in February with suicidal thoughts so I had no where to go but up! I could endlessly organize stuff around the house...it gives me a sense of accomplishment, but it is very isolating so I am trying to force myself to go out for a walk, etc. at least once a day. My second child went off to university this last fall, so I am dealing with "empty nest" although they are only an hour away & I do frequently get texts from them...mostly when they need money! I am sort of trying to reinvent myself so to speak....I did it once when I turned 35....I exercised, lost weight and bought a horse, who I dearly loved. Sadly she died suddenly 2 years ago this March.

I assume your daughter is Rosie? How old is Rosie? I miss the days when the kids were young....we used to do so much together.

My anxiety level is sorting itself around my husband. I am firm that I can do things, that I don't need him hovering over me while I cut the vegetables, etc...in case I don't do them the "right way", " Don't sweat the small stuff!...haha another good mantra.

Take care rosiesmom & remember to do things in "baby steps", try to add one activity or chore a day. You CAN do it:)

Thanks also for responding to my posts so I know that someone out there is reading them and cares!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Hi Freddy,

It's great that you honour your brother by continue to use the nickname he bestowed upon you. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with his suicide and the grief that must have come with it and has stayed with you so long. But, again, I think you are honouring him by seeking out help for yourself. He would have wanted that for you!

I find that when my husband is around the house a lot I get very unmotivated to do anything. I feel like there's a weight pushing down on me, as though he will disapprove of what I'm doing. I know that this not the case, but I've had a core belief from childhood that what I do isn't ever good enough. You seem to have discovered that being outdoors is a stress reliever, so you should do that when your hubby is around even if just to find your center again. You sound like you've been doing an amazing job so far recognizing how your thoughts affect you and you should feel very proud of yourself. Make sure to communicate with your husband about what you're doing, how you're feeling and what you would like his help with. He can't read your mind, so keep those lines open.

Exercise is a bone of contention for me as well but at least you are trying to be productive which is so encouraging to me. I loaded the dishwasher and tidied the kitchen and bathroom and today feel I at least tried.

You are a very brave and empowered lady and you've inspired me today! Thank you Freddy!

Keep fighting the fight! Do it for you! And do it for your brother! I know he's looking down on you and smiling upon you! I found a saying I really love and try to remember when things aren't too dark and it's simply "Live, Laugh, Love"! Much love to you Freddy!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Hello Ashley,

I am doing ok..up and down but overall improving. I find being aware of how my thoughts affect my mood is empowering. I am also very aware of negative energy and my husband was away for while and I find myself getting anxious now that he's back. He is, or we both are, need to be right kind of people and we bicker far too much. I felt empowered that I was seeking help and taking care of things here by myself for a period of time. While he was away there were a lot of snow so I was snow blowing the driveway an hour or so everyday. I've noticed that my mood is a lot better after being outside for an hour exerting some energy. I find exercise, for the sake of exercise, extremely hard as I have OC tendencies and feel the need to be productive. I am now moving on to Session 2.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

That's great to hear Freddy! CBT can be so empowering - control your thoughts and behaviours and you control your mood. Once you get the hang of it it really starts clicking.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. How are you doing today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Thanks so much rosiersmom for the encouraging words. Freddy is a nickname I chose in honour of my brother who used to call me "Freddy the Rock" as I was a bit of a tomboy growing up. He committed suicide when he was only 32, I was 18 at the time. I am now 50 so that was a long time ago...gone but not forgotten.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Hi Freddy. Good for you for getting started here. I know how difficult it is to reach out for help. I will tell you though that getting involved with a therapist, scary as it is, is so beneficial that it is worth stepping outside of your comfort zone. There is no shame at all in how and what you are feeling and you deserve to, and are allowed to, take care of yourself in anyway you need to. I wish you all the best for a bright and heathy future!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

I am in the process of completing Session 1 and can already see the benefit of CBT. The fact that I can complete this on my own is significant as I don't think I would seek outside help, especially as I am a health care provider that chose to be a stay at home parent. The light at the end of the tunnel no longers feels like a train....I have hope & don't feel so alone. This has given me a sense of purpose & I just hope I can train my brain!! We all know the right things to do, it's being able to actually doing them. Good luck everyone else too as I begin this long overdue journey.

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