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Working on session 2

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

~m,

Your dream gave me goosebumps! Your mind is an amazing thing, look how adaptive!

Revisit the questions and remember I don't know is not an answer. If you get stuck do not allow yourself to say I don't know. Make something an educated guess if nessesary!

I think examining this resistance on goals is very important moving forward. So keep going, we are right here beside you.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Last night I had a dream that I interpret as a response to my fears of working through session 2 again...

I'm swimming in the ocean, exhausted, going under, hearing nothing but the roar of waves in my head... I'm trying so hard to stay afloat but feel that I am sinking lower and lower with every effort to rise up. Finally, I am able to focus on a voice in my head that keeps saying, "Just stand up" ... a quiet, matter-of-fact voice... no panic... "Just Stand Up." When I reach down with my toes... there is the ocean floor... when I stand up, the water is to my waist... when I turn around, dry land is but yards away. I feel pretty silly and embarrassed at the utter panic I felt about my "near drowning". I look around, hoping no one has seen my folly.

Well, in the dream there were no witnesses... in my real life, there were no witnesses... in my DC lifeline... you all got to see my fear.

That's ok though... I feel embarrassed but not hide-in-shame embarrassed. It's all a part of the process. I'll reconsider those what questions and see what I can learn. As always, thank you friends for your support!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi ya ~m,

Thanks for the encouraging words..My morning went much better yesterday..Not sure if I am ready to do the activity tracker yet. Still thinking on it..This morning is getting to me because I didn't sleep well last night..Oh well, I guess I will just have to pick myself up and dust myself off today..It should get better as the day goes on. Maybe I'll do some work in the yard this morning. That seems to always help get me up and out of it...

I think your idea of coming up with a plan for your afternoons after the baby is picked up is a great idea..Let us know how it goes? I hope your afternoon goes better today too...

jdoe....

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Thank you Ashley for giving me "permission" to slow down and not rush into Session 2 until I can get better grounded. It's ridiculous that I still, so very often, look to others for permission to take care of myself.

I guess I'm just lucky to have people around who give it so readily. Someday I'm agonna do it fur meself!

On to the questions....

What specifically am I afraid of?

I don't know and it makes me angry that I am feeling this way since I've worked this session before.

What is giving this fear power?

Probably old restraints that were needed for safety, but no longer have a place in the here and now.

What is scary about goal setting?

Thinking for myself. Wanting... anything. Pressure to be something maybe I'm not or could never be.

What's the worst that can happen?

The hope that I feel from previous small successes will be pulled out from under my feet... just be an illusion... it will all turn out to be pointless... an absurd expenditure of time and effort.

What's the best that could happen?

I don't know but thinking about it makes me want to cry and then my thoughts just stop. I don't understand this reaction.

I guess that's the best I can answer right now.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Hiya Jdoe... I don't think you need apologize for exploring your thoughts and processes here. Some of the best insight comes from "rambling" a bit. What you shared in your posts encourages me to keep at it and not give up. I like reading what is on your mind and other members' minds as well. It helps.

I'm glad to hear you will persist in keeping an activity tracker... no need to "go back" to session 1 as session 2 requires us to continue the tracker anyway. I think we try to make it more complicated that it really is. I keep having to scale back my expectations, judgments, and perfectionism and just jot the darn stuff down as I can.. I think the point is to be aware of what is happening both internally and externally on a regular basis. It's annoying keeping notes, but it sure can be an eye opener.

Your plan to take control of the early morning is a good one. My weakest part of the day is after the baby is picked up and I just want to slump on the couch and watch tv but that just feeds a downward spiral... so I guess I need to come up with a plan for the late afternoon. Something to think on I guess. I hope your morning was better today!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi Vincenza,

Thanks for the reply and support..I will keep on rambling when I need to :). It does help me sort out my thoughts..

I did go for a 30 minute walk today..I got pretty tired this time but it should improve as I get stronger..

One morning a week or two ago, I can't really remember exactly now. I decided to sit down at my sewing machine when I first got up while I was waiting for my coffee to finish brewing..I worked on a project of mine most of that morning and I noticed the depression that was starting up went away..That's what got me to thinking that I might be able to take control of the depression or anxiety by distracting my self with some type of positive activity..I also did this when I had contractors at my home replacing my roof and was feeling very anxious and the anxiety became manageable and went away..What I think I need to do now is to stick to it..thats find something positive to do every morning, be it exercise, a hobby or just a little reading on my Kindle..I think that with this approach I just might be able be to get rid of the negative and depressive thoughts that plague me in the mornings..If I can to that than I will be setting the tone for a much happier day for me like you mentioned..

Thanks for listening and for the advice Vincenza..and thank you for encouraging me to ramble when I feel I need to.

Till next time :) :)

jdoe..

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Jdoe,

I think that's a great idea. Starting your day off with something positive and refreshing like a 20 min walk or gentle stretching will help set the tone to your day. You will get your blood pumping, muscles warmed up and needed oxygen to your brain to refresh your mind.

Keep working on the sessions and ramble as much as you need to!

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi ~m and Ashley..

I am also having some problems getting started this time around..I have been reading sessions 1 & 2 again and it's like reading them for the first time. I don't know what is holding me back..Maybe it is fear like you mentioned in your post ~m..I find it is hard to face myself square on sometimes and really look long and hard at my issues..I have not done the activity tracker this time or last time so maybe that is the problem..I don't know..One thing I have done this time is I have started to use the mood tracker. It is very user friendly. I am going to go back and take another look at the activity tracker again because session 2 keeps referring me back to it..I am hoping that I can do it this time. So I guess it is back to session 1 again for me..

I guess I am just rambling here today..I am feeling a little down today I guess. One thing I did notice after reading session 2 is that I need to get out and exercise more and makes sure I get more sleep. I also noticed I feel better if I have something positive to do that occupies my mind, this seems to keep me from falling deep into the depression. I was thinking if I could get started doing something positive or pleasant in the early mornings when I first wake up like within the first 15 minutes after waking than I might be able to keep the depressive thoughts from starting and getting a hold on me..I might be able to take control before it gets out of hand..These are just some things I am been thinking about the last day or two..Just some thoughts or mind storming you might call it..

What do you think?? Do you think this could help???

Well I guess I should go for now..Sorry for the long post..I just had some ideas and thoughts I needed to get out there and put down today..

Talk to again soon....

jdoe....

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Hi ~m,

Thanks for posting this. I am sure many other members are running into the same obsticles. Fear is a huge road block that needs to be addressed so why don't we examine this fear before moving forward? If you are coming from a place of fear and feeling "stupid" then how could you get motivated?!

What are you afraid of specifically?

What is giving this fear power?

What is scary about goal setting?

What's the worst that can happen?

What's the best?

Let's start from these questions and move on from here. I don't want you starting this session until you feel you are ready! We will help you get there.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I'm starting Session 2 today and need to report it so that I actually DO IT! Session 2 scares me... which is utterly ridiculous since I've already been through it once. It was hard though. Really, really hard because I never learned how to have goals... set goals... never mind taking steps to achieve them. I have written in my blog that I have learned to set goals. Maybe I'm scared that redoing the session will prove me wrong. I can't believe I'm so reticent to start... Reading through old posts on this thread, I find I'm not the only one that has found it difficult to get motivated to do this session. Is anyone else currently having that problem?

My plan is to skim through the whole session first and then go back to the beginning and carefully read the first page... however long it takes. I can't even begin to express how afraid I am and how stupid I feel because of it....

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