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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thank you jdoe and ~m. Such a welcome! Thank you.

I enjoy reading through the blogs. There's a lot of healing going around and I'll take a good helping of that and hopefully I can give back in the process.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Hi Jynx... Welcome. I don't think you shared too much... I can so relate to much of what you wrote. Sitting around in the morning and then panicking in the afternoon because "nothing" was done... wrote some about that this morning on my blog (before I even read your post). You show a lot of insight into your situation and an understanding of what you need to do to get better. It's the getting going that's hard. Been there, done that, and will do it all over again

When I need to motivate myself to get moving...I try to remember that it is easier to steer even a slowly moving car than one which is entirely stopped. Just a little bit of movement makes a big difference... don't even have to start the motor... just release the brake. Clearly you understand that principle when you say you should start exercising for 1 minute. That does sound simple enough.... any yet, if it isn't happening... then you need to go even smaller. Find a goal which you can accomplish... which resonates with you and elicits a response of "oh, heck yeah I can do that. No problem...."

Again, I'm just reiterating what you seem to already know. I think you are on the right track and are, in fact, already moving. You joined the site. You posted your intro! You wrote a blog entry!! Slow down a minute and give yourself credit for all you have done... this is huge... it is very hard to write much of anything when we are depressed. You broke the first barrier. Yay you!!!!

As for the program... start by taking the depression scale test if you haven't already done that. Then call it a day. Next day read the first page of Session 1. Call it a good day. Next day review the first page and read through the second page. You get the idea? I think that is the most important thing I've learned here.... how to break stuff down into doable bits... tiny, microscopic bits...

I hope you find all the help and encouragement you need here. Don't hesitate to let us know what we can do to support you on your healing journey. I wish you all the best and look forward to "seeing" you around. Perhaps your sharing will inspire others to break that first barrier too. It is gratifying to see so many new members logging on to our newly designed DC site.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Good morning Jynx,

Welcome to the program and support group..I too have been having trouble getting myself motivated to do something during the day. I start off pretty down in the mornings and things improve as the day goes on..I have been trying to get myself to leave the house and start walking 3 times a week and of course beat myself up emotionally when I get nothing done, but when I do go for my walks I really do feel a lot better. So like you I know what I need to do..I am not sure what is holding me back at this point.

Well gotta go for now and try to get something done today :) I have a turkey to cook today..

Till next time...

jdoe..

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thank you Josie.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Jynx,

We are so glad that you decided to introduce yourself!

Thank you for sharing your story, you have the right ideas and it is a great idea to put them on paper!

Yes do one thing everyday and increase it every week. Work with your doctor, the site, the members and know what it is like to progress and move forward. Thinking a little positive each day can really open up ideas and doors.

Start a journal and post with us everyday. Use the program to help you begin your journey. The members here are available for support and knowledge so stay close!

Josie, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

I have to fight a compulsion to stand up and say my name out loud :)

I have closet depression (my own made up term). The reason I call myself that is when I'm on my own I feel like my world has caved in. I feel useless and unproductive. When I'm with family or my only friend, I'm all charm and smiles. I always have excellent, common sense advice for people in trouble. I'm self assured. Until I meet a stranger that I think is smarter and/or more attractive than me.

I've suffered for many years before I was diagnosed. The last therapist I've seen (about 2 years ago) has been brilliant, but due to cost I've been unable to continue treatment. I've been on anti-depressants, without success. I've stopped taking them all together due to the high cost of medication, before we could find a anti-depressant that would work for me.

I also suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and as a result I'm Insulin Resistant. I've picked up a substantial amount of weight over the course of about 3 years because of my sugar problem, which didn't help the depression either. We have no kids (PCOS has left me sterile).

My husband is an angel. Which makes me feel worse sometimes. When I'm going through a bad patch, he'll take over in the kitchen. I'm suppose to be a house maker, but the only thing I can do really well is sit and do nothing the whole day. By 11 every morning I feel panicked because the day is halfway through and I haven't done a thing. No cleaning, no dishes.. I can't remember the last time I've made the bed. The rest of the day is spent feeling sorry for myself and hating myself for STILL not getting up to do anything.

I know I should change my lifestyle if I ever hope to see an improvement in my fertility. I should eat better (actually I should just eat.. eating is just so much effort!) and I should exercise.. even if just for 1 minute every morning. I know if I tell myself in the mirror every morning that I'm ugly, I'll believe it. I also know that the opposite is true. If I give myself positive reinforcement, it will work.

I just couldn't be bothered with anything.

Signing up on this website has been exhausting. But reading through the forums has been encouraging. It's good to see like-minded people who are focused on sharing and others who don't judge.

I didn't plan on saying this much. I tend to not speak of what goes on inside me, and when I do it's a bit like an avalanche.

I hope that I will find some help.. even if just a little until we're in a financial position to resume treatment again.

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