Hi everyone, this is my first post.  I am 56 years old and have been working for 37 years non stop...   My stomach is in a knot which is my usual basic anxiety symptom.   I have been off on sick leave since March 19th 2011.   It took me a lot of time to admit I needed that break because I felt really guilty leaving my colleagues with all the work.  I actually have been really depressed since last summer but I fought really hard not to give up.  I have a history of anxiety and have been on meds for years but I had been able to cope relativeley well over the past 10 years with a few episodes where I needed break and where I had always managed to make deals with my supervisors.  This time, last summer, I ended up consulting an online therapist for a few weeks at our previous employee's help program and then worked out yet another deal with my current boss to work 3 days a week for a while.  I struggled through the beginning of winter that way.  I then asked for a pre-retirement schedule and started working 4 days a week.  It worked for a while but then the work load increased again and I ended up being responsible for 2 more projects although my 4 day week schedule was already full.  I tried to cope and say to myself that it was ok not to be able to do everything right, that there was just too much... And just so you know every single one of my colleagues agree that we are all badly overloaded but I guess they have their own way to cope which doesn't involve depression... In any case, over the last few months I started losing it, no more concentration, crying a lot, feeling that I could no longer lead things the way I was expected to (or should I say, the way I expected myself to lead things).  It may also be menopause symptoms but hot flashes, palpitations and insomnia sure did not help...There came a time where it seems my mind just stopped being able to think... I told my boss, he said we would talk, we didn't, I ended up going to my doctor and telling him that this time I couldn't go on... So here I am April 28th, on real sick leave benefits (which I also feel guilty about...) with an expected return date of May 9th... And I have to admit I am really not looking forward to it... I am scared I will not be able to function... I am not sure I had enough time to recuperate but maybe I am just chicken... I have been on the Ceridian program since one week before my leave.  I have been doing the exercises (I'm on session 5) and I know I have improved because I can actually do things now and be happy about them.  I still have trouble sleeping and still feel tired most of the time, have episodes of dizziness, anxiety, palpitations and feeling that I am going to die (??? I do go to extremes in my head sometimes... ) but I have managed to establish a little routine where I try to exercise every day, work on the program's exercise and do things instead of sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself... but when I start thinking about work, my anxiety sky rockets and I get really scared... I am thinking of asking for an extension to my leave until end of May.  I do speak to my closest colleague once a week and he says I shouldn't worry and take the time I need to heal... But am I just being self indulgent?  I need help to think a bit more clearly.  Thanks