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This is INSANE!

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

It took 5 years but I finally did get to see a psychiatrist for evaluation. The psychiatrist diagnosed ADD and autism in addition to depression. Add that to my fibromyalgia and no wonder I have a tendency to get depressed! I have a low threshold for frustration, poor emotional control and the autism keeps me from thoroughly understanding the world around me which leads to anxiety, confusion, frustration and depression. So anyway....I'm back. But this time I have a better idea of what I am dealing with.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Brightsunnyday.

Have you seen a psychiatrist for an evaluation? Someone you trust and can talk to?

One of your posts mentions mentions seeing a ton of 'doctors' who made things worse. I know how it is ... I live in urban Qc and had to fight! for a therapist ... she helped me when things got BAD! to just hang on one more day. Then when I got out of her league she refered me to Revivre and Phobie-Zero for some help... till I got the help I needed (another list!). And that psychologist refered me to someone (psychiatrist) who did only evaluations so his list was another few months...

But, I remember being miserable and infront of some administrator who asked me do you really need someone to help you? What do you need help with? Why do you want it here? I wanted to cry... and yell: Dunb-A** you are my local center and was told to come here because I hurt and feel less than compost. I had no vocabulary to explain what was inside 10 years ago. I either ignored the hurt and turmoil to be able to face the day or look at it and hide under my covers for the rest of my life. And how could I express a life-time of pain to this indifferent person who only wanted to be rid of me? I was an administrative problem not a patient. I was $$$.

I know also what it is like to start the chemical roller-coasters. Step 1 is med a. And we try med a for X weeks... Step 2 is med b .... (of course when I started we did not have a diagnosis so it was a shot is the dark). It is hard! We wait weeks to see if something works, not like an antibiotic which is 5 to 10 days.

So, see if asking for an evaluation rather than a doctor or a specialist to follow you gives you better results. At least with a 'lable', with a name you can understand your stiuation and find the right vocabulary to name your experience. You will be better prepared to ask for specific resources.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

I just finished reading "Wherever you go there you are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Its a great book, it was recommended to me by my counsellor. It's a great read and puts you at ease. Usually I do not believe in these 'quackey' type books, but as the book says if your skeptical then your on the right track. I found the book was able to put things into perspective. I enjoyed it very much and would definitely recommend it. I'm about to start his other book Full Catastrophe Living, also by Jon Kabat- Zinn, this book has also received great reviews.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Sounds good mediummoodswing. I will check into that book also. I definitely hit 3 bouts of depression....lol...about 40 years ago....lol

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

"The mindful way through Depression"
by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zingel Segel, Jon Kabat-Zinn

This book is a must read for those who have 3 or more episodes of depression.

The book may help you feel more relaxed during depression.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Hi brightsunnyday!!

Hope you're having a good day.

I'm also a very 'black and white' person. It sucks but this program has given me the hope that after all I might be able to challenge this and learn new ways of thinking.

Do not give up!! Keep trying new things, you never know, you might find something that helps!! I can't believe I have found some relief on exercise and crafts, but I have, and is such a relief. Every day I feel I am getting just a liiiitle bit better, and I do hope is the same for you :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Funny that you say I think in "black and white " terms. My son did a personality test to find which career to pick and I tried it to. My personality turned out to be ESTJ...an analytical, concrete and judgemental type....LOL....the type that sees things in black and white!

There is a huge waiting list for physicians in my area but there is a way to bypass it. I could win the lottery and pay for a physician in the US or I could try to kill myself and get bumped to the top of the list (which still could be a wait as the list is so long!). As I have gone to a TON of doctors already and some, including the last one, just make things worse, I am in no rush to see another and not willing to go to any extremes to get higher on the list.

Not really sure what to do next. I think I got one Session left in the program and then there are auxiliary sessions too so I will continue with that and see if it helps. I will finish reading the book Undoing Depression and start reading The Intuitive Way thinking it might help me with mindfulness and being a little less rigid and concrete. Then someone on here mentioned Attachment Theory so I will investigate that as well. I will see how I feel at that point.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11212

Brightsunnyday,

I am sorry to hear all you are going through and that the program is not helping. I know we have before that you see a therapist or specialist and you have said the wait list is too long in your area but I really think seeking professional help is important. Is there another way you can seek help? It sounds like you do your best to take control of your health and you are doing all you can but you don't have to go through this alone. If nothing else is working, what do you think you should do? What advice would you give to a friend that was in the same situation as you?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

I agree very much with MediumMoodSwing. I hope there was a formula that would work with all of us so nobody had to endure any pain!! But unfortunately there isn't and the best we can do is keep trying until we find something that helps us, even if is just a little bit, to make life a tad easier.

Like you I have tried so many things, low carbing, vegetarian diet, exercising, supplementing, mindfulness meditation, prayer, drawing, writing, and nothing has 'cured' me, but I would be lying if I said all these things together had not made a difference. It may be slight improvements here and there, but overall when I look how much I accomplish and get done these days compared to let's say a year ago, is quite clear that overall I am doing much better and that I am functioning much better. Sounds to me like you are already doing all the 'right' things, but perhaps might be worth to keep trying with the vitamin B, maybe some other brands? I know how frustrating it can be when you go from one doctor to the other and they tell you that all your levels are 'fine' and that you are ok (so it must be all in my head, right?!). I still haven't found the right doctor but at least I've discovered I do have some nutritional deficiencies and I am tackling those and I hope that will make a difference as well. But yes, is very frustrating with doctors nowdays.

I am sorry to read you have not found any relief yet here and I really hope you'll find what works for you soon. I'm obviously not there myself, and I may never be, perhaps I will just learn how to 'manage' my depression (like someone mentioned on another thread), learn and experiment with new tools such as CBT so I can cope better on the bad days. But that's better than being depressed and hopeless.

Good luck and do not give up!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

"Things that cannot be Cured, must be Endured".

Try to endure your depression with Curiosity, Experiment, Open-mind, Flexibility.

I think you are depending too much on "Either black or white" logic too much. Try to be non-judgemental on your depression symptoms, a component of "mindfulness meditation."

Do whatever works for you ,despite what others say, think or write.

Experiment new ways,that is to try small change. Otherwise You will get you always got in the past ,if you do what you what you always did..

Practice postive future-oriented thinking.

At last be Hopeful and be Kind to Yourself.

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This is INSANE!