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Hi, Brand new, looking for hope

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Thanks

At the risk of sounding negative, now seeing as you say 'don't think of the program as a cure or a fix'.. makes me even more reluctant to go through it.

I need so much encouragement and a promise of better days right now, that anything less leaves me kinda .. blah. Like - what's the use then. I see it as you've just told me, it's not gonna do much but hey.. you've got nothing to lose. right? I'm sorry to be so difficult, but there is no sense in lying to you, about how I interpreted your message. But I have to thank you for trying to help anyway. Most people in this world wouldn't even bother ;). Have a great night

ps As for dosage change with my meds, right now I'm at 0, so the only dosage possibility right now is 37.5 mg, which is the lowest in Effexor. I will start with this for a while, and if after 4-6 weeks it doesn't get better, maybe before, I'll up to 75. And so on. If at 150 (If I have to go back there :\) I still don't feel better, I'll have to get my doctor to look into another possibility.

See I've learned, that doctors can only help you based on what you tell them, and my doctor (this current one, and I'm thinking the one before) never even read my file. So they're not really helping me unless I tell them how I can be helped.. if that makes sense.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

I understand your hesitation. Don't think of the program as a cure or fix. It's not! But it (most likely) will give you tools and knowledge that you can use to enable a more balanced life for yourself. I strongly encourage you to start it!

Of course, I have to say please check with your doctor about any dosing changes with your medication. Definitley a low dose might be enough for you physiologically, especially if you are doing your own psychological work at the same time.

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Hi, Thanks Tiana again for your reply,

I think you're right. About taking medication. I feel like it's beyond me. Beyond my control. I just can't seem to feel 'giddy', and I have been able to in the past. Why would it be that when I felt good, the subject of 'meaning of life' didn't bring me down, but now it does.. the only thing I can think of, is that there is something missing in my brain, therefore physiologically, not psychologically, that needs to be treated. I didn't, and still don't, want to believe that I might need to be on meds for the rest of my life, that is a hard thing to accept. I never had to before, so why now, that I'm 42!

Anyway I am seriously considering going back on, but trying at a lower dose at first, I have a prescription for 60x 37.5 mg. If I see an improvement I'll remain there, if not I'll increase to 75 mg for another 60 days. And so on.

No I haven't tried the programs yet, I've been having internet problems. I will check it out though. I'm a little scared, because to be frank, I'm scared that if it doesn't work, it spells another failed attempt for me to get better. Fear of failure is one of my caveats unfortunately :(.

I appreciate the positive vibe in this forum.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Ffirecracker,

If your doctor suggested you stay on the Effexor at a low dose, then I think that says something. Have you been doing the program? Please give it some effort and I think it will pay off. Let's face it, depression is about living with a black cloud. The trick is having the cloud dissipate enough so you can live a balanced life, with the help of CBT, meds, or a combination. I think ~m said in an earlier post that it is truly about a chemical imbalance in brain and often misunderstood by people who haven't experienced it. We wouldn't tell a diabetic to not take their insulin... Sometimes getting your mood just up enough to be stable can allow the CBT to do its real magic! Again, food for thought. Might also be good to get an assessment from your husband, to see what objective changes he has noticed in your mood, activities, interest level, etc.

Yes, ~m, you can quote me.. not sure where but go ahead!! I'm glad you could relate to it. Those are the life theories that I follow now and it makes challenging times not feel so much like punishment, or a curse, or whatever.

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Hi Tiana,

Thanks so much for your reply. I try not to give in to the negative, but it seems like when I'm feeling down, I don't even know why, I just feel down and the thoughts are gnawing at me.

I am reconsidering the meds thing. I still have a prescription from my old doctor, for 37.5 & 75 mg, he had prescribed when I first thought of weaning off, I might start on the 37.5 again. My current doctor (whom I've met once, she's just out of med school and very carefree) does not know I weaned off. There were no doctors when I needed one, and I had to wean off the meds by myself after my doctor left and before the new one arrived. (I had run out of prescriptions).

I have been trying to read nothing but negative stuff, and even when my mood seems to be improving, there is always a nagging thought in the back of my mind bringing it down.

There are all kinds of positives in my life. I guess the one I can focus on now to help me through, is the way my husband makes me feel. I think of him and it's something positive. I just can't seem to enjoy anything for long, as this nagging black cloud is just hanging over my head ready to jump in unannounced. That's the best way how I can explain it. And it makes me feel sick and anxious in the pit of my stomach. Today I played golf on the wii with my husband and a friend, and had fun, relatively speaking. But tonight my hubby wants to go visit some friends, and I don't feel like going out. I feel it's too much.

Weird huh?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Tiana... your first paragraph really speaks to me. Wow. Can I quote you on this one?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Try not to give in to defeatist thinking or focusing on the negative. If you look for negative, believe me, you will find it at every turn! How about this: life is full of ups and downs. That is a fact, no 'get out of jail free' card here. I find that Buddhist teaching has much wisdom, and one basic belief is that everything is always in a state of change: time is ticking, we are aging, someone is being born.. Therefore a (potentially) helpful way to look at life is to enjoy the good times, 'cause they won't last, and just breathe through and wait out the bad times, 'cause they won't last either. Both good and bad times, positive and negative experiences, await each of us for the rest of our lives. Putting them into perspective can help get us through the challenging times.

Ffirecracker, as Ashley said, you should talk to you doctor to try to get to the cause of how you are feeling and to find out what supplements you can take together. Winter may not be the best time to go off an anti-depressant. Are you exercising? Eating well? Getting enough sleep? Those are all natural ways to help stablize your mood. Positive thinking, of course, is another!

Homework for today: find the positive.

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

thanks!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Hi m, ride my coattails all you want, I don't mind the company ;).

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I do the same thing FFirecracker! Is it self-fullfilment? It never fails that when I make a postive statement or effort... bam, I pay the price. Always. Really. I'm wired to fail. Can I ride your coattails on figuring this one out? Maybe Ashley will just give me a pass on this one? :)

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Hi, Brand new, looking for hope