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Diva's rainy days...

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Lately I am not sleeping really well. Plus I think I might have GERD. I think I might have had it for a long time but thought it was "normal" lol. I am gonna need to go see my doctor. And you see that is what bums me out... That means arriving at 7 am in the hopes of getting a number ( like at the butcher but a limited amount of numbers like 15 to 20). If I am one of the lucky few and get a number, then I get to wait till like anywhere between 10 and 5 pm.... So I can see my doc in the emergency clinic for like 5 minutes.... The reason this is, is becuase we have a lack of doctors in the region and doctors are overloaded and the next appointment I could get with my doctor is probably around the month of june...

Ok now, on to benting about other stuff... I am not sleeping well. I get really tired but then I go to bed and I sleep too little and too light and I have nightmares and I wake up.... Then I am tired most of the day...

Oh and my weight has blown up to depressing proportions... I feel like th Michelin Man...

Besides that all is well

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Ashley, Thank you for the support. I am very frustrated by this. I don't like feeling so, well discombobulted lol. As for what I could do to alleviate this feeling? Well I wish I knew hahaha! I try making lists but then I forget to check them... Or I write appointments on a calendar or agenda but then I mix up what day it is.... I feel forgetful and slow and it is frustrating! But as with all things I will figure a way to either get better or live with it...

Goofy,

I promise if I ever find a solution to our little quandery, I will let you know!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Diva, if you can come up with a way to not get frustrated when an otherwise intelligent person because of depression has difficulty even forming sentences when speaking, collecting thoughts and ideas, retreiving the right word....you know what I'm talking about....If you come up with a way; please share.

I've always attributed my frustration to a lack of acceptance of my depression and it's symptomology. I question whether that is accurate or if it's me remembering how I "used to be". Or if it's just .........

I wanted to put this in my negative thoughts....but hell, it's reality! It is true! And I'm with you on this one - It's frustrating.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11218

Diva,

I am sorry you are feeling like this. I know we all have days where we feel a little discombobulated. I forget the day of the month all the time!

But I can hear how frustrating this is for you.

We are always here to listen.

Do you think there is anything you could do to help you alleviate this feeling?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Ok I feel like I am a mess. I am so tired and discombobulated that I can't even keep the date straight. I thought today was Tuesday the 2nd for crying out loud. So I went to my hair dresser for my appointment and she was really surprised to see me. Then she explained to me today was Monday the 1st... I feel like I am loosing my mind! I hate all the cognitive symptoms of this depression.I feel slow and stupid and forgetful...like really tired and discombobulated all the time... And I don't mean to brag but I usually am pretty sharp. So this freaks me out sometimes...

Anyway, I have vented enough. lol Thanks for being here!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello Luciana!

Thank you very much for your support. It means a lot.

Today I got bad news. It seems that me and my husband will have to deal with a dramatic increase in revenue in a few months... We are already tight financially. I am not sure how we will manage. I feel scared.

Anyway, that is it for my venting for today.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 224

Hello once again,

I just wanted to say good for you for having the courage to open up to your friend about who you really are. I challenge you to 'challenge' the thoughts you are having about your friendship by asking yourself these questions:

1. Is it "true"?
2. How do I know it’s true?
3. Is it 100% true? (remember something that is 75% or 99% true is
not 100% true)
4. What's the evidence for it being true?
5. What’s the evidence against it being true?
6. Has it ever happened before?
7. What's different now?
8. If it were true, how bad would it really be?
9. What's the worst thing that could happen?
10. If the worst thing happened, how bad would it really be?

And you know what, in the end if she turns out to not accept you for who you are, then maybe she is not such a good friend after all. As you said, just because you are bisexual, it does not change anything about your relationship with her. You are in a faithful, happy relationship with your husband.

Well, let us know how it goes!

Luciana, Bilingual Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello KittyKat,

Thank you for your support. I am sorry for the late reply. I have had quite a month. I will be outlining that in another thread. I am here in this thread to vent.

I sleep too much. I am still really tired. The miscarriage took a lot out of me. My doctor fortunetely was very understanding. She was really great. That helped a lot. I also saw my therapist the other day.

I was supposed to start working next month but I won't be. I am still too exhausted. and anyway, I am seriously thinking of changing carreers! I was studying and doing research in my field for work. But now that I am 99% sure I am not going back to school. The work seems well uninteresting and just too tiring...

My house is a mess. My husband works full-time to keep us afloat. It is my job to take care of the house. I fail.... My whole life is a mess... I fail....

Finally, the other night I told a friend of mine, a girl, that I was bisexual. She seemed open-minded enough to handle it. And we don't have a long enough history for her to freak out and be all like "omg did she see me naked?" and such. I really thought she would be ok with it. I was hoping she would be. But now I get a feeling she isn't. Like she is avoiding me. I don't know for sure, it is just a feeling. I am hoping it is just me being really paranoid...And anyway, I am happily married and extremely faithful and it is not like it changes anything in my life, really. I just didn't want to hide for once in my life! I figured she was smart enough to see how this changes nothing in our relationship. But I tell you, I get the feeling something has changed and she is avoiding me...Am I nuts? Anyway, I am just feeling really sad. I just have so few friends. I had 4 friends. That is it. Now I might only have 3 friends left. It is hard for me to make friends. I don't make friends easily. I feel like one day I will just wake up alone...

Anyway, enough venting and feeling sorry for myself. Later guys!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Oh Diva, I am so sorry to hear about all that has happened to you...I hope your family doctor is much more understanding. Although, I don't know if anyone can really understand, other than you what is going on. I had a very close friend have a miscarriage, and even I (who knew her for a very long time) ahd a hard time understanding. All I know is that it takes time for you and your body to heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello Goofy,

Yes I will follow-up. It is the smart thing to do. I just won't do it with the hospital people...

As for my husband he is really sweet and takes good care of me and at the same time I feel like I cannot reach him... I feel so lonely. I know it hits him too in his own way. But I can't reach him and I am hurt and I feel alone...

As for me and my needs I try to take care of them as best I can with the little energy I do have. Husband is great for that and takes care of the basics for both of us really well. He is great.

On top of it, I can't seem to draw or make any beautiful music since all of this. The drawing I put up was post miscarriage. Now, I can't seem to draw. When I do try it is lame. I try to sing at the piano and everything is off and bad. It probably always was but I just hadn't noticed...I feel empty, lame, barren... Inside of me, the pleace that was green and lush and full of magic and life is still...

I hurt inside and I am alone...

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