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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Stacy,

Try not to take what your mother said too personally. Many people do not have an understanding of what mental illness is.

I think it is great that you want to talk to your mother about this. It takes a lot of courage. When you are telling people about this you may have to expect giving a long explanation as they may be concerned about you and will want to know all the details. Let your mother know about the Depression Center and tell her about all the work you are doing here. Having her work through the first session will give her a great base understanding of what Depression is and may limit the amount of explaining you will have to do. Another great idea is to review the axillary session on Relationships. This session is amazing at teaching communication skills which will support you in this discussion.

When telling your mother what specifically would you like to get out of this conversation? How are you going to assert yourself to achieve this?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 71

I haven't told any friends or coworkers, even though I'm sure they'd be very understanding and supportive.

Stacy, perhaps you could ask your mother "remember when we drove past the new wing at the hospital? Would you say I was a nut case? There are all sorts of mental illness, including mine." Kind of abrupt, I realize, but maybe it's like swimming in cold water - sometimes you have to dive right in.

I have to say in all honesty though, that giving this advice is a lot easier than taking it. I don't think I could do it myself.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 27

Hi All,

I feel the same way about keeping things under wraps, I am so surprised how uneducated people are about mental illness, myself being one of them, before it happened to me.

I finally decided that I was going to tell my mother about what was going on with me as we were driving to the mall. We drove past a hospital here that had just recently finished the new mental health wing and I thought it was the perfect opening. My mother said how quickly they had completed it and I said yes it looks like they did a great job on the new mental health wing. She then said yes and it is huge, who knew we had so many nut cases in Calgary. I was kind of devastated and decided it was probably not a good time to talk. Now this is my own mother, how could I even tell others without a long explanation that I really don't have the energy for.

My thoughts,

Stacy

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

K13,

Whether to divulge or not divulge and how much to divulge and when to divulge is obviously your choice. I wouldn't think of it globally though. I would consider each individual and their ability to play a supportive role in your recovery, empathize and encourage and respect you in that it is yours to share; not theirs. I hope there are people in your life who can be those things for you. I know it took a long time (in my mind) for my son to come around. He didn't understand how I could laugh at somethng and be depressed. There are alot of confusing things to bystanders but I have been surprised to learn the number of people who are also diagnosed and receiving treatment for Major Depression or BiPolar Disorder. I know one of the moderators have quoted some astonishing stats on the number of people effected by this type of mental illness.

If you do decide to tell someone be prepared to educate. It is often that people think we can just shake it off, it's just a stage (I hear that one and I'm 48 years old), many stigma's. I ran into a fellow tonight I went to high school(graduated 30 years ago) with and he proceeded to tell me about his ex girlfriend and how crazy she was....I listened to him rant and rave about her diagnosis of MDD, how it is ALWAYS inherited (not true) and how she works in a profession in which she carries a gun....he listed meds she was taking, and how this should impact her being able to have a job like this, blah blah, etc. After he got through and I had been nodding my head through his entire spewing....I said I can so relate to her, I have the same diagnosis, I have a concealed deadly weapon permit, I work in the human service field. lol, the look on his face - priceless!!!! He was embarassed and rightfully so. I probably wouldn't have divulged the information to him and I did overdramatize a tad bit (I felt warranted due to his attitude), but those are the attitudes that need to be dispelled. We can be educated, hold jobs, etc. I firmly believe this: ATTITUDE is the real disability. I'm not referring to our attitude.

lol, I'll get off my soapbox, glad to hear you like some of my ideas. Congrats on the upcoming graduation - it's an accomplishment of which you should be very very proud. If you have to go another semester - it's okay!

Keep working on your project - it's a great topic ;)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

I like the idea of using a binder, goofy. It would be easier to shut, instead of just shuffling them around with my other papers. And might help me keep track of them so they don't get left out where my parents can see them when I'm at home! And the project thing is great; I really don't like lying to people, and that could be truthful, as you mentioned.

I never really thought of going to the office for people with disabilities; I wasn't sure it counted or if my profs would care. If I find out I'm going another semester (graduation is in the air right now, fun times), I'll look into it.

I'm not entirely sure what other people think, so it might be a negative belief. Everyone just seems so normal, going about their daily lives all right, I feel a little weird.

I haven't really talked to anyone about my depression. It just feels personal; I'm unsure about telling anyone that kind of more internal struggle rather than an external issue. And my family's not too good about dealing with stuff like that in a non-awkward way. It's just kind of uncomfortable.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Strength,

I can see where it would be motivating to show that we can be cope and to keep on working on getting better. I hadn't thought of it like that, thanks for making me think (lol, no matter how painful thinking may be)

I do think work is a different scenario in that it is good for your supervisors and/or HR to know but not necessary for your co-worker "next door" to know. I think employment is a need to know basis. If it is told by your supervisor (in the USA) it is against the law. Discrimination based on any type of illness is also illegal (ADA). Employers are required to make a reasonable accommodation, i.e. for example my former employer (the one from which I retired, allowed me flexible hours, a redistribution of cases, etc.) I don't know where you all are from....but there are programs in colleges for persons with disabilities to get reasonable accommodations. i.e. private test taking to alleviate anxiety, excused absences so profs can't "count off". I would check to see if these resources are available. You may not need them now, but it would be good information to have. They will make requirements of you perhaps a doctors statement and having a statement from doctor for excused absences. BTW, here there should be a disability rights advocate on campus, sometimes referred to as an ADA compliance officer, maybe other titles, but find out what's available to you. Check if you are in a different country about what the laws are there. I know - research!!! :) I like it; I hope you do too.

Okay, if you have questions about the above, please ask.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 217

Hi Fixit,

I can understand where you are coming from. For the longest time I didn't want anyone to know, not even my wife. But I learned that it would be easier if others knew what I was going through. The more people knew, the more I was determined to get better. It's so hard to not "care about what other people think", but I decided to take a different approach. I used that as motivation.

Strength

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi, I too have a problem with people really knowing what is going on. The only people that actually know are my wife and my closest friend. Everyone else including my employer think I was in the hospital for a different health problem that I have. They all know about the other problem so they just assume that's what it is. I fear the look I would get and the comments they would have to each other if they new what facility I was in. Any comments and ideas are surely welcome.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi K13,

Goofy has given a lot of great advice. I think she is right, there is nothing to be embaressed about you are simply working on a project, no need to hide it at all. I think you should feel proud of yourself, look at it like personal developement. Your strength and determination to be working on this regularly is an accomplishment. How do you think it would be if you were open about it to whoever asked?

Social support can be very helpful when you are going through this. Have you talked to anyone about your depression? If not, it may be a good idea to put some thought into talking to a close friend or family member about it. What are your thoughts on this?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

K13,

At my age I embrace when people find out and try to advocate for people with mental illness. I don't intentionally tell someone, but it's nothing to be embarassed about. I do respect your individual decision to keep it private if that is what you want. I think it will incidentally be found out by some and you owe noone an explanation for why you are doing what you are doing. It's simply a project you are working on.....and that's not a lie. It doesn't have to be for a class. Are you assuming they think things about it or is a negative core belief???? I don't know, just asking you to help you think through.

You ever do anything, not be guilty but look guilty....people assume you are guilty. You have nothing to hide by working on a project. I do keep my information in a black ringbinder with no topic. I mark through the website address and/or identifying information as "The Depression Center" is my secret due to my professional life and my using this as a resource to combat my depression and I empathize with others around me who struggle with depression but I don't want them to know the things I share on here (it may be about them). :P

Anyway, just some thoughts. If someone asks (how dare they?), then I would tell them to myob. If they don't, don't look guilty and it's a project you are working on. (opinions galore, I got 'em).

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