Thanks, cvdeb! Yeah, it's a pretty difficult transition. It seems all anybody talks about anymore is work. I feel like all that matters anymore is what's on my resume.
I do get a lot of pressure from my family. Almost indirectly...like I think the belief has been that you do whatever you have to for school/work, and that's all there is to it. Which, I guess makes sense. But you never really question that authority. So I feel very much under the thumb of my obligations. I've been telling myself for weeks that things will wind down if I just get this one project done, but there's always been another big deadline soon after that got me all wound up again.
I know my parents are going to be real upset with me if I don't graduate this semester, which is becoming a distinct possibility. I don't know, I feel like everyone's going to be looking down on me if I don't, from family to fellow students. Why can't I do what everybody else has been able to do?
I want to slow down, but I don't know how to, because I'm just unable to do things as fast as I'm supposed to. I've kind of been tiredly beating away at my schoolwork for a long while now, set deadlines for myself that don't seem unreasonable but I can never keep up with them...So it's kind of like, life won't slow down, and I don't know what to do because I'm constantly playing "catch up." A lot of times over this semester I've wished I was a robot so I would never sleep in, or feel depressed, or want to take a break to unwind and do something fun. Those things just set me back and dig me deeper.
So basically, it's kind of like school has had the first and last word on my life lately. And it feels like it's going to be the same with whatever job I end up with whenever I do graduate. I have my loves in life elsewhere, so this is a really upsetting thought that I think helped, as you said, kick up my current depression.
