I think I forgave him when I realized that he really truly loves me. Another thing that helped me forgive him was when I realized he did the best he could with the circumstances he was given. He gave me more than he had. This made it easier for me to forgive.
Some people had the misfortune to have parents who do NOT deserve forgiveness in any way shape or form. Angry, violent, evil parent who beat, molest, destroy their children do not deserve such a gift in my opinion.
I was lucky enough to have two parents who love me. And yes, my relationship with my father did cause some damages, especially when you throw in his wife, but I don’t think he ever set out to hurt me. He gave me everything he could then a bit more. I would have needed more. Life is like that sometimes.
His father, my grandfather, was a great man in many ways. But he was also an alcoholic. I am sure it had an impact on the little boy my father once was. We are all shaped by life events. We all have baggage we have to carry around with us. My dad had his, now I have mine.
The thing is, it is easy to forget that our parents were children too; that their parents were. It is easy to forget that they have their hurts, their limitations, that they carry their own baggage around. (And here again, I am not talking about the really horrible intentionally abusive parents. I have no pity for them and no wish to understand why they are the way they are. Children are to be protected and cared for at all costs.)
Now, as an adult, my relationship with my dad is different. In a way, I have had two fathers, or two phases to the father-daughter relationship. There is the little girl-daddy relationship. That one was, well, kinda flubbed. I still hurt from it. I still suffer from wounds that won’t quite heal. But there is forgiveness.
Then, there is the adult daughter to father relationship. Now that one is much better. I am closer to my dad now than I have ever been. I feel like I finally get to really meet and know my dad. Does this heal the wounds of the past? Probably notcompletely, but it does help the adult Catherine quite a lot.
My father loves me and I love him. And we both have our baggage to carry.
Father and Daughter---http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://hwood295.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/apparition_father_daughter_1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://hwood295.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/for-a-fatherless-son/&usg=__0jE-ee_WPtlUOcPK_CHoh4emSaA=&h=800&w=540&sz=105&hl=en&start=4&tbnid=4dC1eqxXUqKrXM:&tbnh=143&tbnw=97&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfather%2Band%2Bdaughter%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1
