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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 194

Thanks again, My Son, Josh is 19 and my Daughter, Mallory is 17. I have a step son and daughter as well. My step daughter is older and has a family, so she will talk and email me. My step son has a family, I havnt spoe with him in over a year. Everyone is having a hard time period right now. I had always envisioned me as being one of the strong ones to help them through hard times. I have such fond memories of my kids when they were little, then all of a sudden they were older. I always had a extra special place in my heart for Josh. He was my first born and at 9 months he started having seizures. They lasted until he was six years old. That was probobly one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. It literally tore me up. The constant worry, every phone call at home or work, every noise from his room. The bathtub, pools, any water situation I was right by his side, never more than an inch. He had seizures in these situations and would have surely drowned. His seizures were idiopathic, yet mimicked febrile seizures, so temperature change with water was always a factor. He had one about every three weeks for the whole time. Today he is very healthy, lifts weights and is a fine young man. Everyone likes him a lot. Mallory is a wonderful girl, does well in school and is a cheerleader. Being 17, she has her moods. I miss them a lot right now. I know its the age, when I was that age I wanted to be left alone too.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Lance, I know how important family is. I don't remember if you said how old your children are; but age can make a difference in their attitude and understanding of issues that a person has. I know as my son has grown and matured he has been able to see more clearly issues that his dad has with alcohol and other things and has learned to accept him and the mistakes he made in the past. He has a relationship with his dad now that didn't once exist. I know the letter your son wrote is hurtful and is blaming; however, you did the best you could at the time Lance, noone can fault you for that. I'm sorry that it led to the rifts between you and your family; but I don't think it's a lost cause. I do think it will take time and lots of it - you will have to be patient, let them see the difference in you and how you work so very hard to maintain without alcohol. I think the fact that your son was willing to write the letter may be a sign that he cares enough to tell you how he feels (though I know it hurts you) that is communication. Work hard, let your health be your motivation and your family to get out of bed and make an effort. You have experienced it first hand - if you don't have your health - it's hard to maintain anything else.
You know that effort doesn't have to be big, because one small little success leads to another. Take it one step at a time. Be patient with your family and give them time and space; let them see a difference now that you have took back control of your health! What a great thing!

I will pray that you will find peace of mind and peace within you. Please do the same for me.

Happy Thanksgiving Lance - remember the small things to be thankful for - we are here; communicating, sharing our experiences, a place to share our pain. And we got out of bed or we wouldn't be typing!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Lance,

I can't say I know how hard this is because I don't; but I can say that I know how hard you have worked and it is so clear how much you love your family. I have not read the letter from your son yet but I will be sure to do so.

Everything you are going through is incredibly hard. You are so strong and you will get through it but don't be so hard on yourself. Be easy on yourself and take the time you need. We are always here listening.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 194

Thank you Goofy, That means a lot to me. Dont know if you saw the letter from my son that I posted under the relationships. It's just my set back that I think started with the med thing, then what my son said and going in to the holidays. Its just so hard! When you have ruined your life and destroyed your family, its just hard to live with yourself. I cant be happy with me, at all right now. I blame my issues a lot, but Im still the one that created a lot of it. My son is very upset with me, as is my daughter and it hurts. I really dont know how and why a lot happened. Issues of being bipolar with panic attacks and depression. Medicating with prescriptions and medicating myself with liquor. It was all a mess. My panic attack were terrible, still are. I struggled for so long with all this, my feelings, my wife and I growing distant. I fell apart, then couldnt handle things financially and there you go, family and all I worked for, for 30 years gone. The hurt though is the hurt I caused my kids. I dont know how to fix any of this. I Love them so so much! I never meant to hurt them! Its not like I was out looking for another realtionship or a new life. I just couldnt handle the one I had. Today I honestly feel that if I cant reconcile with my family, I will be alone for the rest of my life. My heart belongs to my family, I dont see loving anyone else. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving. I will check in tomorrow night.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Lance, I know it's hard when you are in the middle of a setback to understand what's going on - and it really doesn't seem to matter because as you have indcated - even the basics of life (eat, sleep, taking care of self) - are difficult to get through, or are messed up, or just don't seem to matter. I can relate to what your going through and I know from previous posts that you have as well. Know that you will get better, there is hope and the issues will get better over time. I'm with you on the Thanksgiving thing, I don't want to do anything.....but if I have to buy; a can of chicken and a box of stove top stuffing, I'm having Thanksgiving. And I'm making a list of things I'm thankful for. Have you thought of things you can be thankful for:

I'm thankful I got out of bed this a.m.

I'm thankful that I am staying out of bed at least 10 hours every day.

I'm thankful I have a therapy appt today

I'm thankful I have a medical dr appt in 2 weeks and a shrink appt in 3 weeks.

I'm thankful for this program and the opportunity it gives me to get better.

Also for the opportunities it presents to post about issues and problems that I have

That there are people who can understandand relate in a safe/anonymous environment.

I'm thankful because of changes in life (my father's death a year ago) we are able to make thanksgiving easier by making new traditions and remembering the old.

Some of these may seem so little, so trivial, but sometimes, we get down there, we have to find them anywhere we can.

Remember that we are here and we will listen. I'll be around thanksgiving day as my family is celebrating later in the week.

So let's hear how things are going tomorrow. There is hope.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

This may be a set back but you have pushed forward before and you can do it again. Start small and get yourself moving. Make a list of things you want to accomplish around the house and do one very day. Get outside and clear your mind, walk to enjoy yourself.

Take a shower and refresh yourself or a long relaxing bath. You have to be able to focus on you and your well-being

Josie, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 194

This has gone on for a couple weeks now. I am totally off. Sleep, eating, excercise, going out. I cant get going and I dont know why. I have no drive, hope, will or anything. My head is full of bad thoughts and hopelessness. I really dont know if this is just going to pass or what. The thing with my kids isnt helping, nor is the thought of being alone for Thanksgiving. I havnt left the house in days, I dont feel like going out. I dont understand why.

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