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how can i say the words?

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how can i say the words?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Ok now that he lives far away do you feel that the situation has reached a conclusion? If so this is a good thing, now we can begin to move forward and find some resolve around the issue. Now it is over.

When will you be speaking to your therapist again? Discussing this with her will be very important.

It might be a good idea to write down your thoughts around the issue to try to find some clarity on the issue. Write what you felt. Sharing these with your therapist may also be a good idea. especially if you feel you are unable to say the words face to face.

Stay strong you will get through this.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

ok, i apologized to him for my deficiencies and thanked him for spending some time with me. i also told him i hoped he woulld give me the opportunity to try again.

i won't see him again, he lives far far away.

degradation complete.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

OMG. i just did my boss' expense report (another of those things that i just do that I don't have to). my 'gentleman friend' told me, when he was done, that he was meeting up with some of the guys and left me to dress and leave. he was actually going to dinner with my boss and another our of town employee. i doubt he would have said anything to my boss, but i am just so thrown off balance by this. he intended from the start to just have some quick fun and leave.

i am just numb right now. i took one of my pills for a panic attack, but i'm just numb. and stupid. i sent him a note telling him i knew he went to dinner with my boss, and should i have any concerns? that was stupid, i want to pretend it never happened, not call attention to that night. why did i do that? i'm trying so hard not to apologize, to just ignore the whole thing, and now this.

i want to go home, but it is too early in the day.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Guilt certainly can be a common feeling. Many people want to please everyone and when they fear they do not meet someones expectations they feel upset. But why should you feel that way? Wasn't he the one that made you feel bad?

Members, please share your thoughts.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

It's OK, I can answer that one. I bruise easily and I had finger and thumbprints on my leg. Hard to explain.

I had work contact with him today and I nearly apologized to him. Is this a common feeling? I feel like I ddin't live up to expectations. I don't even understand why my husband has stayed with me, especially since my depression hit. It's been three years now, and we thought I was so much better. I guess not really, if I let stuff like this happen.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

It was very brave of you to bring this up with your therapist and I encourage you to continue to talk about it.

These questions you are asking are good to think about. How would you want to act if he was flirty again. You have every right to say you are no longer comfortable with that sort of communication.

I am confused about the bruise situation. Did this man hurt you? You do not have to answer that question but please talk to your therapist about possible actions you can take. If he assaulted you or hurt you should not have accept that and pretend that everything is ok. Please know that there are crisis lines available that you can call.

We are here to listen whenever you need us. You are not alone.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

I took the printout to my therapist. It turned out to be Wednesday instead of Tuesday, which was bad since I was mentally ready on Tuesday. I'd shut down again by last night. It was a very difficult session, I am so glad you guys suggested taking the printout, I just couldn't really talk about it. She was very supportive and told me I should have called her. I know, I just don't want to be a bother. We disagreed somewhat on responsibility. I'm a grown up. I thought it was a game, he thought it was a plan. Most important, I never said stop. I do what I am told. I comply. How can I blame him when I was cooperative? You can't 'rape the willing' even if that is not quite what happened. It's my fault for playing with fire.

How and what do I tell my husband? My therapist spoke with him, and he has an idea of what happened. It's not as bad as he seems to fear, but he would be devastated to know I went there of my own accord.

My gentleman friend has been in contact since his return to work. So far it is normal business with typical courtesies (how are you, is it snowing yet there?) I just pretend nothing ever happened and do my work. What do I do if he brings up the topic? Or starts getting flirty again? My therapist spent most of the session just pulling information out of me, so we have not addressed any of this yet. I'm back to weekly sessions for the time being, but I'd be interested in any input.

I'm comfortable now with the bruise situation - nothing suspicious anymore, but I still don't want anyone, especially my husband, to look at me. He holds me most evenings, but one day he may want to resume normal relations. I have no idea what my reaction will be. I feel unappealing and ashamed. He may not want me anymore, I can't exactly discuss it.

So another day at work, trying to avoid questions about my behaviour last week and just pretend nothing happened. If I tell myself that long enough, maybe I'll convince myself that I just overreacted.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 34

mm,

lot of things we could say or do, but that doesn't change what happened. You are a strong and wonderful person of course people would flirt with you and want to be associated with you! Doesn't mean they have to hurt you. Take your time and I know you will get through this, let us know how the appointment went and what suggestions were brought forth.

never be afraid to speak your mind..we are anonymous here and we are here to listen. I got big shoulders.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

I'm glad you came here as well mmgsc.

It does take courage to post your feelings but it helps you and many others reading who still may not feel comfortable to post. Thank you for your strength and honesty.

Keep posting!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Hi goofy,

Comfortable is not the right word - terrified was. But sometimes you just have to get it out and I just wish I'd thought of telling you guys sooner. It's been a hell of a week.

Thanks a lot :)

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how can i say the words?