Hey Karen, thanks for the reply!
Hey Rose,
Yeah, you told me so. I just find having to take pills incredibly frustrating. As my therapist has identified I want to be above it all and see myself taking pills as a form of defeat. So my ego takes a hit when I have to take pills to help myself. This is something I obviously have to work on. But I have been tking my pills. Well the lseeping pills anyway. I might take an anxiety pill soon though as I feel really overwhelemed atm. Thanks for talking to me about this. It is good to talk to someonw who is less unreasonable then me when it comes to medication.
Yesterday I went to my grad. I didn't even take any anxiety meds either to do it. I posted in Successes.
Today, I am not doing so well. I am tired. Well less tired than usual. The sleeping pills have been helping a bit. I am also hormonal (that time of the month, sorry gentlemen!). I am really anxious. I start work on Monday. And I have a super important meeting on Tuesday. That meeting could decide my academic future and I am not nearly ready to go! I am just not getting anywhere. I can't seem to manage to do anything. I feel like a hamster in a wheel! I run and I don't get anywhere. I feel like a big lazy failure. Here I am with a great opportunity ahead of me and I can't even manage to get ready for it. How lame! I feel so horrible and overhwlemed! I talked to my mom. she will come over tomorrow night and help me with a few things. Tonight she helped me prepare my class for my student. I am so behind on everything. And that meeting is so importnat. Man I am blowing this cause I can't seem to do anything except spin my wheels for no reason.
As you can see today is a bad day and I need to start applying my thought challenging skills. I am sad, depressed, tired, anxious and overhwlemed to the extreme. This is not a good day for me! I feel lame.
I feel alone. My hubby asked what is wrong but when I tell him he doesn't answer anything. When I tell him I wish he would say something he says he doesn't know what to say. I feel alone.
I want to get control over myself. I want to get back to what I was which was organized and productive! Now I am tired and lame and lazy! I am blowing all sorts of things because of it too! I just want to fix things and I don't know how or where to start. I am so overhwlemed! Most things in my life are a mess at the moment! I just want to crawl under the blnkets and hide.
Keep having to remind myself of the truth: This too shall pass!
you know it is nice you husband was honest. he could have said a bunch of meaningless dribble,
but he was honest. Now teach him to follow up with a hug and you might get somewhere? 
hold on tight to the reins, you are in charge and you can do it! 
i love the "pills don't teach skills" i've never heard that before.but maybe they increase your ability to learn, remember, tolerate, do-over, put up with, get done, stay focused, be patient, etc etc etc infinity
