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Venting

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

furgittit,

You have received some great advice from wildcat!

By the sounds of your post, it also seemed that just posting here about your experience made you feel better? Perhaps keeping a diary or journaling would also be helpful for those times when you are unable to access this site?

Please continue to post and let us know how your weekend goes. We are here for you whenever you need us!

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi furgittit,

that is why I have given up on exercise! I do

pleasant activities!

I will never again waste ANY money on a gym a g a i n. I hate them.!! I feel stupid moving a piece of machinery when I could be moving my kids or ... a vaccuum or mop (same difference) in my comfy pyjamas.

have you thought about when you exercise? EX: bipolar depression usually hits in the morning and gets better during the day... so the stats go ... So when I was at home on sick leave 2am to 10 am was the worst part of the day. And when I usually tried to sleep. As I got better, I slowly pushed my wake time back and made my way to the the usual 6 am wake but I am not the early bird I used to be!!!

So if you are exercising at the worst possible time of the day. When your energy is naturally low. When you are irritable. When you are hungry or hypoglycemic? Then the body will push you more towards what is a rut in your thinking - towards the negative. But if you catch yourself at a peak moment in the day it is like riding a bike down hill... when you are 12... all wind in your sun bleached hair

. (I used to swim 6 times a week and weight-lift twice with cadets twice a week and high-school fit in the middle of it all...).

In the end furgittit,

you have the choice to do or not do. it is yours and yours only. it does not matter what a billion and one people say nor think. Only what you chose to do is what matters.

I choose to do this activity because I believe ...

I ride my bike for 6 hours till I am RED and smell like a barn to the best picnic site at the old port because I believe my children will remember this day as the best day of their lives for the rest of the next 60 years...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Thanks again Wildcat, it originally was my bosses thought a year ago, I didn't think it would make much of a difference until I looked into it more.

My thoughts today have gone erratic once again. Leading back to the exercise problem I have, the more "extra" I do, the worse I am. I keep hearing of all the "so-called" benefits and have not come across one that actually "does it" for me or means anything to me (the long term health benefits mean absolutely nothing to someone who doesn't care about life at the moment or someone with congenital heart disease, high blood pressure and other health problems which "exercise and diet" will not fix without medication for the rest of my life, so what's the point?).

I had decided to walk to the mailbox (because I don't want to drive my van more than necessary till I fix the alternator) which is a round trip of 1/2 hour+ at regular pace, took the little dog (he is 5 pounds) and my daughter. I thought well this should be fun, the sun is shining I am spending some time with my daughter and my doggy, I should be getting a cheque in the mail. I was really positive at the outset. The more I walked the angrier I got, I don't know why, my mood just deteriorated, the kid was fine, the dog was fine, didn't run into anyone I didn't want to, it was sunny and warm. When I got home, I was still angry and I didn't get much sleep last night.

Today, I am sad, tired and having a difficult time concentrating on my work. I want to cry, but am holding on as best as I can. I am going to work late tonight, in case the van decides to act up on me again so I am not stopping rush hour traffic when I stall out and have to boost or change the battery. I just need to get 3 more trips out of it before the weekend so I can pick up the alternator and put it in. My hubby even said he would come out and help me with it (nice, it is easy to get at, so I will make him do most of the work, while I fix the starter on his truck, then maybe he can start getting himself to and from appointments (once the ramp is down and he is able to do steps on his own).

That feels a little better. Whew!!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi furgittit.

you have every right to follow every red cent you make, and pay roll does not! Payroll is supposed to see an employee number and not associate that to any particular person...

If you cannot speak directly to the payroll person due to a conflict can you go through you boss? or though a human resourses person? their boss (but this might make things heated)?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Aaargh, frustration again, I have been having money trouble and now after doing some research online with the CRA, I found out that have been paying 200 to 300 extra for my taxes every month. I brought this up with payroll and gave her the forms to figure out which "code" to deduct from (I even figured out the code/column for her). Payroll in all her 50 years has never had employees fill out the TD1 form except when first hired (they are supposed to be filled out every year) and had no clue that there were different columns than 1 and 2. I told her I would be happy to help her with this and even suggested she use the online calculator instead of the tables and she blew a gasket.

Sheesh, all I was trying to do was have more money every month to spend on bills, ya, the refund is nice, if I get it and it doesn't go to student loans.

I don't know, maybe I should just leave it and wait for the utilities to be cut off again and go to welfare for help with them.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Furgittit,

Glad to see that you are feeling calmer today. Things seem to be more in control now and you have a plan on how to "repair" certain elements such as the van, your marriage and your sleep. Good for you!

Keep up the great work and hope the rest of the week is positive for you.

Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Hey guys,

Today my thoughts are a little more organized. Over the weekend, my van decided to stop on the side of a busy road and my son had to walk to Canadian Tire to pickup a battery. Van seems to be working ok, but I will probably go to Pick'n'Pull this weekend and pick up an alternator and put it in just to be safe.

My weekend went pretty good other than that one bad thing. My husband has agreed to go to couples counselling but he will not come with me to see my therapist again.

My paranoid thoughts are not so bad this week, I still think my van is out to get me and am waiting for the other boot (ha ha mechanics will know what I am talking about) to drop.

Slept in again today and got to work for 10:00 not too bad, so far so good.

Well ttfn and have a great week.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

You guys are great.

Today is a wierd day for me, I am noticing a wierd thought pattern, mood pattern whatever. For no reason (that I know of) my thoughts have gone from eh to blah to paranoid and sad. My thoughts are scattered and I am scared.

My husband decided he didn't want to go to counselling with me today, I was so tired and frustrated, I just called and cancelled my appointment and went back to bed. I have told my hubby this is something that he can do for me so that I am not so crazy, he just commented that he loved me how I am, crazy or not and that I don't need to change. He doesn't get that living in the constant cycle of get up and go and do, do, do, then bam down, sleep, sleep, sleep, cry, cry, cry isn't normal and that I am the one who wants to see a change not for him or the kids but for myself and my sanity. I have tried to explain this to him and he just doesn't get it.

I want to stop the paranoid thoughts, that everyone is talking about me behind my back, that everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things. That everyone else is just saying to do it their way because they want to force their views on everyone.

It took alot of cajoling from me to get my hubby to go the first time, I felt a little bushwhacked because the therapist said we wouldn't ambush him and that she would leave me to bringing things up with him, when she kind of just bammed left it wide open for me to say something to get it rolling. She has also pushed at asking me to consider leaving my husband, she even suggested to my husband that maybe I should leave him. He said that I could go ahead and leave and he won't stop me. At the end of the meeting, he agreed that he would come to a second meeting and I thought we were working on sorting us out.

Today, I don't know if I should continue with therapy or just say screw it.

Blahhhh, hopefully I can get my thoughts organized over the weekend and start next week fresh.

Take care everyone

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Furgitit,

Well you are welcome. I really am impressed. But I get what you are saying, if you know how to do the stuff then you're the one who does it. Must be exhausting! And yeah, being the only one that has the initiative or knowledge to do the stuff makes it worse, certainely.

I am glad you work is understanding.

As for your coworker I totally agree with Wildcat on that! Sheesh!

I think if you need rest, talking to your psychologist would be a great idea. Hang in there!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

breanne

you are nice, I would have called that woman on harrasment.

She has no business discussing salary!! When she does payroll she is supposed to be blind! Not assocate a name/person to the pay she is doing. What is to keep her from assuming more authority in the future ... paid too much for the work that is being done? docking for lates?

There is an association for people who do payroll here in Canada for a reason. To Tell Them Where The line is and keep them there! All people who handle our confidential work information have a responsiblity and need to be serious about that responsiblity.

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