Hi Rose,
You are right, no one is superwoman. but I do try LOL!
As for being ok with meds for others and not for me, who knows lol. I guess that is part of my basic thinking patterns that need to be reevaluated. I can truely understand others needed meds but do not understand it of myself lol. Maybe I have a big ego? I mean I must have a big ego to think I should be superwoman and capable of doing it all by myself lol! I don't know, I am working on this issue. It is on of my neurosis I guess
. As for withdrawal and addiction, I don't think I am scared. I have wheened myself off enough meds to know I can do this. I guess I am against the idea of being dependant on a substance, I am against the idea of addiction. I know, my neurosis again. Working on it!
As for wheening myself off, I do it with the help of my therapist and my doctor. But in the past I have had to insist to get off the meds, to get help to do it and that frustrated me. at one point a psychiatrist refused to give me a tapering off protocol. He said I was so cscrewed up I would need meds forever. That really revolted me. I got better and got off all my meds and have kept off meds as much as I possibly can since.
As for shool and them taking me or not, well yeah, bugger them, numbskulls if they don't take me. I am smart and hardworking and worth it! To bad for them!
As for the file thing, I hear you. You would think hard work would be enough but it isn't is it? Too busy covering their own a**es. I love that. Willl have to remember that!
As for now, I intend to take the sleeping pillls for a little while still, but I am starting to taper off the anxiety meds tonight. I will see how it goes. I know I am being silly about this. I know. I hear you. I just, I can't explain. I have no words to explain my neurosis to you. As for trusting the doctors to tell me when to get off, well since the incident before, I do not trust doctors to take me off meds anymore, I just don't. I trust myself more. I don't ever want to be told what I am capable of acheiving or not by others ever again. I can do this, I can get better and I don't always need meds!
But I am taking my sleeping pills. and I will taper off the anxiety meds very slowly and gently. And hey, if in the furture I feel the need to take them again, well then I will! That is why I always keep a prescription PRN!
Thanks Rose. This discussion on meds with you is really helping me discover things about myself and how I think about meds and recovery and past events. so thank you. This has been a super great exchange for me! I really am grateful.
And you kindness, support and good advice mean a lot to me!
Thank you for letting me know you understand how I feel. I am sad that you are having to go through similar things but it is nice to be understood and makes me feel less alone. so thank you very much 
.. and yes, I am reading everyone's advice and feel very touched by how much they care! Aren't the people here great?
. I envy you not needing recognition from people you don't like. I spent a lot of my life in the past seeking approval from others whether I liked them or not. I don't do it so much now. Now I tell myself: "bugger them, numbskulls!. I tell myself I don't need their approval. But it took me sooooooooo many years to figure that one out. What freed me of this is I was told by someone I trust and respect that for every 10 people I meet, 4 people will like me no matter what, 4 people will hate me no matter what and 2 will be indifferent. So stop trying to impress people so much. Because the ones who like you, like you, the ones who don't like you still won't like you and the rest don't care! For some odd reason, that was one of the most freeing pieces of info I ever got. So now when I get distressed about not having approval from someone, I remind myself 4-4-2!
. 
