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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

This seems to be the theme of the month for me !!!!!!!!!!!

THe nxt 45 days are the most stressful for me, Yes. But why is it all coming out wrong?

And to top it off I am up to 4 Mugs of coffee a day

(the last being at 1:30) no wonder I can't get to bed at the usual time of 8:30!!!!!!!! and the stomach is topsy-turvy.

I am also into the BIG carbs and fats cravings. It is sssssooooo bad. I think of FFFFOOOOOOOODDDD AAAlLLLLL the time. And junk food. even when I am full. At least I have shelled peanuts that seem to be helping a bit (low salt and keeps hand busy and the imagination going).

Even now the water works is at a slow drip

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Ashley.

I am still febrille today. My eyes water for nothing and i am waiting for the other shoe to drop!! I know I am still in a Mixed State. I spoke to my husband at breakfast, he noticed and was too tired to open this can of worms.

I do not want the exercise, I want the escape. i want top be isolated and away from the energies of other people who rub me all the wrong way ...

Their look was it sympathy or impatience to go gosip about me? Is that rub on the back a caring hug or a buck-up and get back to work pat on the back? Is that a purposeful ignoring ??? Why are you all doing it on purpose to yell your conversations??? Arrrghhhhh!

There is always the difference in me between what I know and what I feel. I know that people have better things to do than think about me... But I get into these momentary moods that are beyond me and the feelings are overwhelming.

Anyways,

we had a surprise meeting today to get a pat on the back... Job Well Done Gang!

I went fora ceasar salade and Latte @ McDonalds for lunch.

My daughter faked being sick for the sub-teacher and is spending the afternoon with her grandparents.

No chocolate in sight..

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

You are not an idiot wildcat! You are a very intelligent and articulate woman! You never forget that!

I am sorry to hear that things have been very difficult for you. I am really glad you came on here to post.

A lot of your annoyances seem to be very common. Others how do you deal with these daily annoyances?

I think you need to plan some you time. Plan some great rewards for yourself this weekend to make yourself feel better. Eat that chocolate,watch a great movie, whatever, just try to lift your mood. If you feel like running, RUN! If anything it will be great for your mood, let off some of those pent up emotions. Punch a punching bag, dance around like crazy! Why not?

In regards to your husband, one of the most frustrating things about mental illness is the lack of understanding others have. You are right, if you were sick with a cold or flu your husband would see that and act accordingly. Unfortunately he cannot see your pain. This makes you feel very isolated, alone, unvalidated and it can be very frustrating for him as well. I am sure he wants to be there for you and help but he doesn't know how. How could you explain to him what you need? Perhaps you could ask him to check in with you on a daily basis? Ask you how are you doing, really? That would be your cue to vent. His job would simply be to listen and perhaps give you a big hug. This can help both of you. What do other members suggest? How do others get help from their loved ones in regards to depression?

But dear wildcat you are not alone! Stay strong! This day will pass I promise. Please keep trying to see the positive in every little thing. What have been some great things that happened today? Did you get really fresh bread in your sandwich for lunch? Are you looking forward to the weekend? There has to be some positives in today, lets think about those.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

I was in so much trouble today!

I wrote an e-mail to a person who was higher in the corporate ladder than me and used sarcasm. So I got a lecture! I felt like a nasty child being put in her place.

And that is not all Spring brings out the worst in me!!!

At Work:People are all excited and talk too loud and buzz all over the place. SIT at you desks and get some work done QUIETLY! Please! Stupid open concept.

On the roads: what is the point of speed limits and paint on the ground? 1/5 of the idiots who have a permit do not respect the basic rules. The traffic has finally gotten to me -like it usually does at the beginning of May.

At home: the kids are jittery and tired and will not decide if they are going to drive me crazy slowly or quickly. THe change in speeds is not good for me. My husband ...

Inside: I am full of RED and needles. Nothing is comfortable. I have a nagging headach at the bottom of my skull. My stomach is easily upset (even with the Nexium). And my back is weak. I want to cry and yell. i want to hit. I want to run away. Nothing is fun, and I am bored, bored, bored. If i could, I would live on coffee and yougurt and dark chocolate!

I wish my husband would look at me and say you seem odd, there is something wrong ... so that I could feel, no not feel, more like know that i am not imagining this all. I wish I had some exteral source in my EVERY DAY life that would tell me you seem different, odd, or ill. But my husband is a neanderthal with the emotional IQ of a cudgel.

what am i gonna do?

I do not wanna go back to work?

I wanna cry, cry cry and anything and everything sets it off.

I feel like and idiot!

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