Rosie, I am so sorry to hear you are going thru such a tough time. i know how devasting it is to lose a friend, especially now when you feel so alone. I have been there. don't know what I can say to ease the pain other than I will keep you in my prayers. I can tell you something that has helped me. I have been going to a peer support group for a number of weeks. It is not really therapy, but more just a chance to talk to others(like this place ) who are going thru similar circumstances. I find that it helps take away alot of the isolation we feel when we are going thru a bad time. It feels good to be with people who you know understand, because they have been thru it. Everyone is very caring and compassionate in the way they treat each other. It helps me get past the stigma, because for all appearances they seem as like people you would say HI to on the street. Plus some people are doing well, so it gives you hope that "this too shall pass"and that is what we need most is HOPE that we can get thru it. I found mine thru Mental Health of America(mentalhealthamerica.net). Again you are in my prayers and we are ALL here to help in any way that we can.
! I agree with what has been said here. Life and relationships are complicated and your feelings are completely understandable. But don't take on the blame on yourself. I, like wildcat, think you are caring and intelligent and great.! You are precious and wonderful! 
