I have a strong desire to dispose of all the petty, peripheral things that have contributed to making me who I am, and to how I see myself. I mean books, music, movies, hobbies, smash my guitar, burn my writings! My counselling has shown me that I need to remake myself, undo decades of negative self-conditioning and self-image. My personal culture is such a major part of how I view myself and my life, that surely it's best to throw it all out, leave myself naked and characterless and grey, start again from a blank slate.
Now, is this positive, a new beginning, a clearing of house, a liberation from all the mental baggage, or is it a kind of suicide-lite, an attempt to hurt myself, kill everything that makes me an individual, become a lump of stone that just lives and functions??
I can't sort these urges out in my mind. All these things I have loved, that have given rhythm to my existence, have they just been poison?