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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Excellent question goofy.

Members, any ideas?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

hey goofy, wow! you do deserve those high ratings. and what a great question. i wonder the same thing, we're asking the same thing but wording it differently. mods, how come we have more insight into others and not ourselves - the forest for the trees deal????? a note on how my issue panned out - wonderfully! had a talk with his dad who talked to him and they went shopping together and junior wrote me a beautiful card, explaining he knows he was selfish, etc. i told him thank you for the gift and more so the card and even more so the thought. that's all just a thought. that's what we all want, i guess.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Things are going better at work. I eluded to my boss about the incident that occurred and he was very nice and diplomatic in telling me that he has never had a problem with my making decisions and that he didn't mean to sound as if he didn't care, he trusted me to make the judgment calls. I wish I could have said, but I don't want to do that. But I said thank you. He also did my evaluation with me this week (that other stuff was last week). He gave me all 3.9 and 4.0's (can't get much higher without being perfect). My therapist and I had been talking in my previous session about how with depression I might overrate how I feel about how bad my depression is, based on how bad it was (does this make sense?). So, I've been working on listing issues and symptoms of when I was a 10 and a 0 and then a 9 and 1, etc. This is helping me have more insight to my depression rating scale. Anyway, after I got my evaluation and before I signed it (as I was supposed to read it in detail), I discussed this with my therapist (happened to have an appointment the same day) and told him I didn't agree with it. I didn't think I deserved those ratings. (I was thinking lower was more appropriate). He and I discussed this in terms of those self-evaluation issues and core beliefs and self-esteem issues. I went back and signed it and smiled and said "thank you". However, I am focusing on this in session 4 and how I can more effectively assess myself and my progress. It is easier to see in someone else than myself. Anyone got any insight on how we can more effectively assess self, not only in terms of depression but our work performance?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hello Goofy and Rose,

Your situations seem similar because you both felt the same things - frustrated, underappreciated, hurt and probably insignificant also.

Goofy, it is understandable that you felt bombarded with your boss' responsibilities especially if it wasn't made clear to you ahead of time that you would be "in charge". It might be a good idea for you to initiate a meeting in the new year to get some clarity on what your job description is. If this is bothering you quite a bit then it is important to express that you were confused about how much authority you have and also that you are not comfortable making certain decisions without any warning.

Rose, you did the right thing by expressing your feelings and how hurt you felt. It is not nice to feel "shafted" or forgotten and it is unfortunate that people have to be reminded to be less selfish. I do hope that the message gets through. Ultimately however, you may need to adjust your expectations where your stepson in concerned........sometimes we just have unrealistic expectations and that creates disappointment and hurt.

Enjoy the rest of the holidays and try to focus your energies on things that make you smile.

Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

hey goofy,

hilarious! and good for you - you made the right call......lol. but in all seriousness now wow do i get what you mean! the empty chair at the table and that empty chair reminding you of the other empty chairs. "I just know it didn't feel good! I also can't seem to let go of it.....it keeps creeping into my head" - this is the story of my life! i'm really hurt right now, too - tell me if i'm overreacting. my step-son, aaarrrgggghhhhhh, never gets me anything for christmas, well once he did, a bottle of wine after i had quit drinking, then 2 years ago he said he forgot and he owed me a bottle of wine. this year - i'm remembering what you said - happiness = reality - expectations (love that). this year nothing, my step-daughter bought me coffee from starbucks/mugs, very nice, and i plainly heard her say to her brother - why didn't you get her anything? and when she gave me the coffee she said it was from both of them. female overcompensation.....another aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh. anyways, i'm pissed, too. and wtf? i told my husband, finally, this year. hey, talk to your son and how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. he admitted he would feel underappreciated and forgotten. thank you.......so yes this is certainly a problem for me. what is it? the knowing it hurts and not being able to shake it off. all day yesterday, i brooded about it. i didn't want to i knew that i was i couldn't distract or stop myself.......what's up with that? mods?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

oh, since I was in charge and had a note from the psychiatrist that I was only supposed to work part-time until January 12th, I left early.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be - hmmm, seems it never is. However, I did get a bit (understatement) upset this afternoon. I work in an residential environment where consumers come for a 30 day in-house treatment program for alcohol and/or drug addiction. We also have a long-term (up to 6 mo. transition) for men. I had a situation come up this afternoon, as is the usual case, where there was a decision to be made and I felt like it was for a "boss". So we have contacts with our bosses to get their input on situations that occur. I called mine and he said, you decide - you are in charge! I was upset. I decided to let the person do what I didn't think I should do, because he said "you are in charge". I was the highest ranking person there - but I didn't hire on to be "in charge" nor to take on that responsibility - nor do I want it. It pissed me off because he put it off on me. I think he should have heard me out. The other part of this is that w/out going into a lot of detail is he had allowed the person to do the same thing, but didn't catch that he hadn't met his responsibilities. I did catch it, now I would think that is why he put it back on me, because it seemed as if maybe I was saying that - but it wasn't my intention - I just didn't know how to handle it when he'd let him do it, it went against the rule book, and I had caught it. I let the consumer go ahead and do it. I don't think it was the right decision....buy hey, I was in charge.

I was frustrated, wanted to cry and felt as if I had been betrayed. I know he didn't want to be bothered on vacation, but that is the nature of his job (he is on call 24/7 365 and he gets paid for it). Also, I've never gotten that reaction from him before. I also didn't know I was in charge until he said it at that very moment. I never considered myself in charge, I thought I was supposed to call him with issues that arose. I called him earlier in the day with a medication issue, I wasn't told I was in charge! So frustrated and I don't know if I got my feelings hurt, overwhelmed, frustrated, scared or what! I just know it didn't feel good! I also can't seem to let go of it.....it keeps creeping into my head "you're in charge"!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Goofy,

How are you doing this morning? We hope that your day is not to stressful and overwhelming. Be sure to take time out for you! Take scheduled breaks and lunch and refuel your mind and body.

Josie, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

I went back to work the last week. I was so tired by Friday and mentally worn out, I went to bed as soon as I got home on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Slept on Saturday and part of Sunday. Was quite keyed up at times (I've never had that happen). Was off on Monday because I started a 4/10 work week this week. I thought it would be a good time to start it. I started it because family dynamics have changed and I need to help my grandmother more and Monday's will work for us doing her finances and me helping her with things. I don't know if I can do 10 hour days, I was getting overtime every week or so, but this is different. I work tomorrow - 10 hours. After an emotionally charged Christmas (I thought it was going to be easy, dad is with mom in heaven, he wanted to be with her since she died, he got to say good bye to us, etc.) but still there was that empty seat at dinner, an empty house, the money he had already hid at the house for our Christmas (he told us where it was before he died). We tried to do things differently. Anyway, back to work - I got a check in the mail from his estate- I guess God doesn't do exchanges. I don't want to be at work (it doesn't have anything to do with the money). I just want to crawl in bed and sleep - my escape. I am the only one (boss-type person) there tomorrow and I think it is too much, but I don't think I can bail, I feel obligated to go....I'm rambling. It's late, I'm going to work in the morning. I may leave early after 8 hours tomorrow, there is staff at that time to cover things as always. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be back,talking about my return to work after dad's death. It's tougher with both of them being gone too. Dad being gone makes me think about mom being gone more than I was! Does that make sense? Ah, Life!!!!

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