Hi everyone,
Last night the rest of my evening went as usual, drive here, drive there, wash the van, come home, clean up, take some pills, go to bed. Slept through the alarm this morning, so I was late for work today.
Not sure what suggestions of Wildcats to try. I do not have a "medical condition" that cause me to vomit food. I have what is called in the UK Selective Eating Disorder, in North America the medical profession says shut up and eat what we tell you because you are just being picky and nothing is going to happen if you do eat what we tell you, because you don't know anything and we know everything.
As a child I went to my aunt's farm, and learnt where all the usual comes from, mostly from disgusting places like dirt and poo.
My favourite meal consists of green beans (boiled down to a soggy gooey mess, yummy), whipped red skinned potatos (made with 1% milk and real butter), creamed chicken (thighs, basically, fried chicken with whipping cream tossed in) and homemade white buns. Of course I don't eat this all the time (if I did I would probably be a jiggly blob rolling around, he he). I do enjoy the regular, regular beef (not lean and not extra lean as I find this to be too stringy and dry), pork, and chicken. The vegetables vary, as well as the side dishes. Breads that are dry or sand like get stuck and come back out. I prefer regular white bread (not the fake white bread, as the texture is no where near the regular white bread).
I make a killer chocolate cake with whipped cream icing. This is a recipe that was past down from generation to generation of my ex-step-mother's family, which I took and perfected the cake to my satisfaction and created my own whipped cream icing (as the butter icing her family put on it was way to sweet and sickly tasting). A little horn tooting here, everyone who trys it asks for my recipe (of course I oblige).
My children have always gone shopping with me (no-one else to take care of them and now I need their help with the lifting due to my arthritis). The children have always gotten to pick foods that they wanted (with some exceptions such as fish because the smell makes me sick and you can't get the stench out of the house ever). The family gets their peanut butter, but can only eat it with the windows open when I am not at home (again the smell).
I am trying to find small moments in the day to be "selfish" (as I view it). I just tend to think that if something tangible (result driven) isn't being accomplished then it is not worth my time, cooking, cleaning, stuff for others. As for stuff for myself (except bathing and regular hygiene things) is not worth doing as it has the smallest impact (ie. just for me and not for everyone's satisfaction).
At this point, I truly do not know what would truly make me happy or even moderately satisfied on a day to day basis. I do know what I don't like (and that seems to be alot). Trying new things tends to scare the daylights out of me because of the what if's. I cannot let go of that (control freak).
My perfect life (today) would consist of sleeping till whenever, getting up and doing the morning routine, doing things if I want to and not doing things that other people want me to (work, cooking, cleaning, shopping, driving, exercising, eating, drinking etc.) read a book, or watch TV. Not talk to anyone and not see anyone. If I could do this for a week (or a month, which would be better), I believe this would provide me with the rest I need in order to
... healthier 
might be a goal for ... 6 months? 
Just thinking what it does to the poor rats and the ADHD kids. THe artificial stuff is very addictive and causes chemical imbalances like many other addictions. 
.
